Testing this from my phone because our internet isn’t working (whhhiiiiiinnnneeee). Here’s a picture from our party!
Hope this works!

Over the last few years, I have worked with a lot of kids on “The Spectrum.” What that means, is that the kids have a diagnosis of Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome – in various stages, and with varying degrees of effects on their functioning.

They are some of my most challenging, amazing, rewarding, didImentionchallenging kids that I have ever worked with.

Every. Single. One. of these kids that I have worked with calls me “Jenny,” even though I have never introduced myself that way. I find it endearing (but don’t you try it). It’s a weirdly wonderful coincidence.

They see the world in a way all their own (just like all of us).

They are smart, and can teach you so much if you are willing to learn.

I have worked with their parents, to bring understanding, support and resources. For many parents, this is a life-altering diagnosis and they need to allow themselves to go through a grieving process for the hopes of a traditonal “normal” life for their children (whatever that means). However, in the end, they always come to realize that this diagnosis does not change who their child IS. It does not define them. It does not change their amazing hearts, spirits and delightful personalities.

It changes how we teach them. It changes how we reach them. But it doesn’t change who they are.

And if a doctor says there is “no hope” in reaching them, run in the other direction, because there is always hope. I’ve seen so many success stories and been part of success stories when we find the way to connect with kids, there is so! much! growth! possible. Often times the success began with a doctor saying there was little hope, and a parent not accepting that answer.

I wanted to share some resources that I use with familys to support them in helping their kids reach the maximum potential. For most, information is power, and the more you know – the less helpless you feel to the label of a diagnosis.

Websites:

Autism Speaks
Asperger’s Syndrom and High Functioning Autism
Parenting Asperger’s Blog
Diagnostic Criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorders

Programs:

Picto Selector (free program for creating visual schedules)
Signing time (sign language program, I’ve had some success with teaching sign language to kiddos when verbal abilities are low)
Sensory Integration Exercises

Books:

The Out of Sync Child
Siblings of Children With Autism
Running with Walker
All Cats have Asperger Syndrome

Hopefully this is a helpful resource to some of you, and I’d love to answer any questions if they are out there (or find answers)! Have a wonderful Monday!

The blog hasn’t grown much this week. But it certainly has been doing a lot of emotional eating. Due to the fact that I haven’t had as much time to go surfing around on new blogs, our traffic has been way down. Trying to be okay with that- because we do have a LOT of returning visitors (58.49% of you!) and I think that’s more important anyway. You all should also know that I love all of your comments! Please send an e-mail if you are having any trouble commenting, I changed the format of the comment box because some people were having troubles. I also created a Facebook page for the blog (it’s all the rage!) If you have a moment, I’d love for you to come “like” me! PLEASE LIKE ME!

Our Ugly Christmas Sweater party was a success in my book! Everyone showed up, we sang, we danced to some Michael Jackson, and we ate a lot of food while mocking one another’s Ugly Sweaters. It was really nice to see everyone. I always have major anxiety right before a party I’m hosting, like “WHAT IF NO ONE SHOWS UP!? WHAT IF EVERYONE SHOWS UP AND NO ON HAS ANY FUN?! WHAT IF PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW LAME MY PARTY IS?!?!?!?! WAAAHHH!!!” Speaking of lame, my guests can thank me for not making them play pin the nose on Rudolph, as was suggested by a website I was looking at for adult party games. (You’re welcome).

Casey and I have a date today, thanks to my Mom who sent was a gift card to the Olive Garden! I have an undying love for their breadsticks, salad, and black tie mousse cake. Before we go to eat, we’re going to shop for the children we chose off the Salvation Army Christmas tree. I’m really excited to do this. My Mom is so on top of it, she has already shopped for the kids she chose! I love picturing what they look like and how happy they’ll be on Christmas morning. I also love relieving the stress of a parent somewhere out there, who is figuring out how to make Christmas happen for their child.

That’s my time! I’m going to go work on my scheduled post for tomorrow- which is going to be about Autism, and resources around it. Hopefully you’ll all tune back in tomorrow. Thanks again to all of you loyal readers and commenters. You rock!

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Some couples use the phrase “we’re pregnant” even though it’s physically the woman who is pregnant, and I assume it’s because both parents are so heavily affected in so many ways by the pregnancy. Well, miscarriages happen to both partners, too. I usually don’t say “we had a miscarriage” because I don’t want to downplay how much Jenn was physically affected.   But it was a serious blow to us both, and it happened to me, too.

I’ll never forget that Sunday.  It was a Sunday in March that Jenn and I went grocery shopping. When we got home, she told me she had some news for me, but she wasn’t sure if she should tell me.  I told her she should tell me (who can resist not knowing something, when it’s presented as such as big thing?), and so she did.  She had taken three pregnancy tests the previous Thursday, and they were all very positive.  After months and months of trying, it appeared that she might actually be pregnant.  We hugged and did our best not to get our hopes up, just in case the tests were faulty, or there was some reason for a “false positive,” because Jenn had gotten what she thought was her period just two weeks before that had made her very sick – so she knew if this was a pregnancy, something was maybe already wrong.

We bought more tests and tried them as the week progressed.  The line got lighter and then negative.  Negative.  Negative.  And then it ended, she miscarried.

She had some rough cycles after that as her body returned to its non-pregnant state.  This was hard for her, and very painful, and it was also incredibly painful for me to watch.  I felt so helpless, and I just wish I could have taken the pain for her. 

I feel helpless now, too.  I can’t change the way things are.  It can’t be easy and normal. 

It also makes me sad and angry.  Sad because I’ll never get to know the son or daughter that would have been born last month.  Sad because we finally conceived but it was taken away.  After we started trying, but before all of this happened, we had bought a small stuffed giraffe as a way of putting positive energy in the universe.  A couple of months ago, when we started cleaning, Jenn found it and, with a tear in her eye, set it in the trunk of my car as I packed it full of items to take to Goodwill. I cried like a baby all the way to Goodwill and a lot of the way back.  It’s hard to let go of a dream you want so much.

I’ve also realized that even if it we ever get pregnant again, it’ll be a lot more stressful of a pregnancy than it might have been had things just worked out “normally.”

I admit that I do feel anger at the universe.  I feel angry that people I know that are younger than me are having kids.  I feel angry that people who probably don’t deserve to have kids have kids.  I feel angry at people I see on TV that only needed some irresponsibility and alcohol to conceive.
It’s really hard to deal with sometimes.  I’ve taken some sperm tests and discovered that my sperm count is low.  Lucky me.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s my low quality sperm that messed up our baby and caused Jenn to have a miscarriage.

I try not to think about it too much, but sometimes I can’t block it out.  I take a lot of vitamins and try to eat foods that are supposedly known increase sperm count. These habits are starting to wane, as obviously, we don’t see any results.  I try to focus on the idea of adopting a school-age kid or two someday that need a home and loving family. This thought makes me happy, as it’s something we wanted to do anyway.  But it’s becoming increasingly real that we may never have a baby.

Until we manage to save up money for some medical help or domestic adoption, hope is all we really have and some days we don’t even have that.

You did it! You survived another week! Congratulations!

As your reward, I have some hysterical quotes from the kids I work with. Read on, you won’t be disappointed.

I wrote in a previous post about our holiday Random Acts of Kindness campaign, run by myself, Casey, and my Mom.

I’m linking up with the Do Good Challenge, to challenge everyone to make some sort of difference out in there world this holiday season (and beyond!)

When I talk about Random Acts of Kindess, people don’t always understand what we do. So I wanted to elaborate, because many of them cost little to no money.

Here are some ideas and examples of things we have done!

-Go down the busiest street in town and let ALL the cars into traffic.

-Pay the toll for the person behind you at the toll booth.

-Buy a cup of coffee for the receptionist at your office, (or doctor’s office, etc)

-Make cookies and give them to neighbors.

-Shovel the snow off of the car parked next to you.

-Let someone go ahead of you in the grocery store.

-Buy a pointsetta and give it to someone as you are leaving the store.

-Buy a $5 dollar Dunkin’ Donut gift card (or any other), and have the cashier give it to the next person they wait on.

-Pick an address out of the phone book and send a Christmas card with a positive message/quote in it.

-Compliment a stranger (this is part of my happiness project, and I do it every day. It’s SO fun).

-Leave happy quotes/pictures in the inbox of your co-workers

Basically, you can do anything that makes a day brighter for someone else (that you know, or that you don’t know!) It can be as big or small as you want it to be. But it’s something! Call it good karma. We have a lot of fun doing this as our holiday project and enjoy carrying it on through the year!

Once upon a time, a Baby Girl was born.

She grew up among many Country Roads, in the great state of Vermont, Somewhere in Between Canada and the rest of the United States.

Her parents wished many things for her. They wished in her life that No Rain would fall, and that she would experience nothing but Peace and Love. Her mother often said, you can always Count on Me, and as they took wild road trips together she would sing to the little girl, Have I Told You Lately That I Love You? (Sometimes they would even get lost, because they didn’t really know The Way).

For the early years in this young girl’s life, she was a Daydream Believer, and spent most of her days Footloose and fancy free. Life taught many harsh lessons early on, about death, loss, cancer, mortality and how sometimes you just Can’t Cry Hard Enough. Some of these experiences left her Bitter and wishing that she was Somebody Else. She cried for the people that she missed, taken too soon- often whispering to them in the dark, before she fell asleep, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again. But they weren’t, and somehow the little girl and her family would have to figure out how to Float On through life without them.

In high school she was a Goody Two Shoes and hung out with a lot of Misfits (still does), but their True Colors were beautiful, and as a group they had immeasurable amounts of fun, singing together at their senior prom, I’ve Had The Time of my Life.

After Graduation, there were a lot of tears as the little girl left the state of Vermont and drove to Maine for college. But they all knew it was coming, after all, These Boots are Made For Walking. Her mother accompanied her to Maine, to help her move in and carry loads of boxes up three flights to her new dorm room. As her mother drove away, her words of wisdom “Don’t Stop Believin’” lingering in the air, the little girl who was now a young woman embarked upon a new life. She knew, if it didn’t work out, she could always return home. After all, Who Says You Can’t Go Home?

There are a lot of lessons the young woman learned in her time at college. Life is nothing but Shades of Gray and you really spend a lot of time Hanging on for Hope, especially in the early days of living on your own, when you’re really doing nothing more than Living on a Prayer and splitting a cup of ramen three ways. Her best friend moved to Maine to live with her, which was a blessing, because her best friend was always saying to the young woman I’ll Be There For You, and she was – no matter what.

College was a powerful experience. She met like-minded people, and learned that a social work career was The Only Way that felt right to her. She spent a lot of time during both her bachelors and masters degree hoping that her example would say to others – I Dare You To Move, to make a difference- to stop the routine of being little more than Ants Marching, and make a change in society.

There was several more life lessons learned during this period. Painful moments- one of them being when the young woman almost lost her Mom. One day, when her Mom was Barely Breathing, she whispered to her Mother that she would always be her Sword and Shield and begged her, pleading “Have a Little Faith in Me.” Her Mother is strong, and she survived thanks to a stubborn will to live and a lifesaving gift from the young woman’s best friend (who is always the young woman’s Bridge Over Troubled Water). The young woman also had friends in her masters program that were amazing supports during this period of time, (she often thought – hey! These are Loser(s) Like Me!)

The day that she graduated with her masters degree, her mother was there, alive and “normal.” The young woman was 26, and in her head she could think nothing more than This Is The Moment.

In this time period, she learned a lot about love, too. Good and bad. She learned about people who would hurt you (but then again Everybody Hurts), and you could do nothing more than learn the lesson and Hold On. Then, when she was 25 she met a young man. Together, they grew into A Groovy Kind of Love, and knew that they were Better Together than they would ever be apart. It became clear that this was the real deal, and the young woman thought to herself The Search is Over, and she would whisper to him in the dark after he fell fast asleep –” there is no Life After You.“

One night, the young man fell to his knees, in the corner of his kitchen where he and the young woman had just been dancing. He opened a ring box and whispered Marry Me, and in that moment the young woman cried knowing this moment was the Best of What’s Around. 6 months later, on a beautiful day in September, the young girl walked down the aisle and said I Do, knowing in her heart that With Love We Will Survive. At the reception they laughed, danced, and even took time to Walk Like An Egyptian.

The young woman went on after college to work mostly with children. She also worked with their parents, who often yelled you Can’t Change Me! But change is made in small increments, as she desperately tries to convey that despite what many adults think Children Will Listen. And although at times she finds her job Impossible, it’s not really. And there are days when she feels so elated in her work, that she can practically Defy Gravity.

The young woman and the young man live together in Maine, now often thinking to themselves – “I have Carolina On My Mind.” Because soon, they will be moving to North Carolina (which they want to do In A Big Way), with the young woman’s mother, to continue the adventure called life. They are also wishing on a Lucky Star and hoping that one day they will have a family of their own. The young woman often thinks of the baby she lost in an early miscarriage, and often whispers to this child “I wish I could Hold You in My Arms.”

Life is nothing but an open road for this young woman, who was once a little girl. She has had many Seasons of Love, times when she couldn’t pay the RENT, and times when she could barely figure out how to keep Breathing. But she is strong, she is brave, and she dares the world with her words- Send Me On My Way.

Have a Nice Day, everyone!

Sincerely, Me

The Story of my Life – Bon Jovi

Baby Girl – by Will Hoge

Country Road – by John Denver

Somewhere in Between – by Lifehouse

No Rain – Blind Melon

Peace and Love – Blessed Union of Souls

Count on Me – Tonic

Have I Told You Lately? – Rod Stewart

The Way- Fastball

Daydream Believer – The Monkees

Footloose – Kenny Loggins

Can’t Cry Hard Enough – The Williams Brothers

Somebody Else – Bleu

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again – The Phantom of the Opera

Float On – Modest Mouse

Goody Two Shoes – Adam Ant

Misfits – Third Eye Blind

True Colors – Cyndi Lauper

I’ve Had The Time of My Life – Jennifer Warner

Graduation – Vitamin C

These Boots Are Made For Walking – Nancy Sinatra

Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey

Who Says You Can’t Go Home? – Bon Jovi

Shades of Gray – The Monkees

Hanging on for Hope – The New Amsterdams

Living on a Prayer – Bon Jovi

I’ll Be There for You – The Remberandts

I Dare You To Move – Switchfoot

The Only Way – Ellis Paul

Ants Marching – Dave Matthews Band

Barely Breathing – Duncan Sheik

Sword and Shield – Sister Hazel

Have a Little Faith in Me – John Hiatt

Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon and Garfunkel

Loser Like Me – GLEE

This is the Moment – Jeckyll and Hyde

Everybody Hurts – REM

Hold On- Wilson Phillips

A Groovy Kind of Love – Phil Collins

Better Together – Jack Johnson

The Search is Over – Survivor

Life After You – Daughtry

Marry Me – Train

Best of What’s Around – Dave Matthews Band

September – Daughtry

I Do – Better than Ezra

(Lift) With Love We Will Survive – Flickerstick

Walk Like An Eygptian – The Bangles

Can’t Change Me – Chris Cornell

Children Will Listen – Into the Woods

Impossible – Cinderella

Defy Gravity – Wicked!

Carolina On My Mind – James Taylor

In a Big Way – Darius Rucker

Lucky Star- Madonna

Hold You In My Arms – Ray Lamontagne

Seasons of Love – RENT

RENT – RENT

Breathing – Lifehouse

Send Me On My Way – Rusted Root

Have a Nice Day – Bon Jovi

Sincerely, Me – Better Than Ezra

So I have a crush. And it’s not my husband.

Actually, I have a few crushes if we’re going to be honest.

They’re blogging crushes.

They are the blogs that I was lurking upon months before I ventured into writing my OWN blog, and they are my celebrities. I am in awe of their writing ability, their ability to network, and how nice many of them are (at least on Twitter, and that’s real… right?) They give me inspiration. And today I want to share them with you (in case, by chance, you aren’t already reading them!)

I feel like everyone loves The Bloggess, or at least anyone who has a glimpse of a sense of humor. I mean, I was hooked at Beyonce. She is funny, and she is over the top, and many time she is very, very real.

Speaking of real – it doesn’t get any more real than Casey, (no NOT my Casey! But it IS a cool name) who has had bouts with depression, infertility, and life in general. Her writing inspires me. I found her many months ago, and recently SHE FOLLOWED ME BACK ON TWITTER, and interacts! Uhm. I may have squealed. Plus her babies are beautiful and she responds to nearly every comment you leave on her posts!

Casey’s blog naturally led me to her IRL best friend, Emily who has HILARIOUS children that make great signs. And she makes turd cakes! Yum! Seriously, she’s funny and worth a follow!

Nichole, is the writer behind In These Small Moments. Again, her writing is amazing, and she inspires me frequently. She’s also from Maine! And we talked about that once on Twitter. I felt like I was hanging with a cool kid. Also? She’s commented on MY little ol’ blog recently. Pretty amazing! I love that she writes about the small moments in life, the ones that really are the big ones, anyway.

Within a few months, I found the beautiful blog Four Plus an Angel, written by Jessica. She writes about autism, and her beautiful angel. I am in awe of the strength she has, and also the power in her words. She’s also been by this little blog before (thank you!)

As I mentioned, there is Mel at Stirrup Queens who I found when researching infertility, and found a place to belong, to laugh, and to find hope. The resources on her page are numerous!

There are SO many more blogs that I’d love to share with you. Like Katie at Loves of Life, who has found a new love for running (just as I quit it!). I found her back when I was searching for stories about miscarriage, right after we experienced ours. And Jess at Dudes and Sweets who has a wonderfully chaotic life that she shares about with a great sense of humor. And there’s Gina at Namaste By Day who has a lovely space on the internet where she shares about parenting, but also about the work she does with kids as a speech & language pathologist. And I can’t forget Katie at Sluiter Nation who I again found when I was looking for stories of miscarriage, and how to get through it. Her words are poetic, painful, and very real. They helped me at a difficult time.

A lot of the blogs that I read are “Mom Blogs”…or should I say, blogs that are written by mothers. Maybe that’s weird (since I don’t have kids), but it also gives me hope, and inspiration. Hope that someday I will be a Mom to a baby here on Earth.

It also reminds me (and I need it many days) that there are wonderful parents out there who love their children.

So I urge you to go check them out, and I’ll do another post sometime in the near furture with some of the others I have a crush on…