Greetings from the Road

Posted on August 30, 2012 by jenn

Well, everyone. We’ve officially hit the road! Last Friday we packed up my trusty Forester and headed for our first stop – Delaware to visit some awesome friends. Then we spent a couple of days in Maine visiting friends, and here we are in my home state of Vermont.

We officially begin the cross country road trip on the 5th, as we take off to Hershey, PA. And although it officially begins next week, we’ve already been through 12 states!

I’m getting a lot of use from my new baby, our Nikon D5100. I love it, even though I don’t know how to use it on manual yet. We’ll get there. I do, however, have an adorable camera bag for it – and that’s the important part right?

As for where we’re headed? Take note, because if we’re near to you, we’d love to meet up for some tea, or a meal! We’d also love to hear some suggestions for sights to see in your areas. We will be headed to Hershey, PA –> Chicago –> Topeka, KS –> Mount Rushmore –> Denver, CO –> Salt Lake City, UT –> San Fransisco –> Los Angeles –> Las Vegas –> Grand Canyon –> Roswell, NM –> Austin, TX –> New Orleans, LA –> Orlando, FL —> Richmond, VA –> and back to Vermont!

Hope y’all are doing well, and I promise I’ll be back soon(er than later).

 

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Best Friends

Posted on August 21, 2012 by jenn

New adventures are exciting. Places, people, and things to explore.

But there is something to be said for this.

Friends that know you, inside and out. That know your stories, your heart, and who you are.

That you can do nothing with, have unsuccessful sight-seeing trips with, do midnight water aerobics with, and that don’t judge you when you take doggie-high-five pictures (because they’re SO cute!).

Friends that witness the singing of the youngest entrepreneur in Wilmington with you, watch sunsets and sketchy Lynyrd Skynyrd bands with you, and chow down on mugs of bacon and Rita’s with you.

Best friends. They cannot be underrated. No offense to your best friend, but I totally lucked out in the best friend department – she’s the best. And I love her, even when she’s doing 1,300,234,567 lens changes so she can capture every moment.

Because when we’re together – every moment is totally worth capturing.

Especially our very first alligator sighting – in the lake across from our apartment.

_____________

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

 

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Float On

Posted on August 13, 2012 by jenn

Who does she think she is?

Coming into my home? Telling my Grandmother that I need limits and consequences? Trying to talk to me as if she could ever understand what I’ve been through.
She’s a f$%^ing girl, she doesn’t get anything.

She has no idea what I’ve seen. No idea what it feels like when your mother gives you away because she’d rather do drugs.

No idea what it’s like to be 14 and live with your grandmother who doesn’t understand anything.

*****

I see your pain. It’s in your eyes.

It’s trying to hide behind anger, but there is so much pain I can’t see anything else.

I can’t understand your experience. It’s yours alone to feel.

But I get pain. I know loss. And 14 wasn’t so long ago. That angst. Needing to belong – somewhere – anywhere. Feeling  different. Feeling alone.

Feeling like you want to escape. Everything.

*****

“Is that your phone ringing?”

“Yes, sorry. I thought I turned it off.”

“What song is it?”

“Float On, by Modest Mouse.”

“For real? That’s my favorite song.”

I meet your eyes Common ground. Finally. I can help you, my eyes say as I play the song on my phone and we both sing along.

I need help. But I don’t think I’m worth it.

I can believe in you enough for both of us until you can see yourself through  my eyes. For now, let’s just sing.

*****

“…And we’ll all float on alright
Already we’ll all float on
Alright, don’t worry, even if things end up a bit too heavy
We’ll all float on alright…”

*****

This post was written with the prompt of “Two Perspectives” for the Group Blogging Experience. Click on the link and come join the fun!!!

 

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The Cost of Moving Forward

Posted on August 12, 2012 by jenn

Deciding what path to take when you’re in the midst of infertility is sort of like walking into a casino, and pouring $20,000 (or more) into one of four or five slot machines and hoping you picked the right one.

All of the choices are expensive.

All of the choices are a huge gamble.

All of the choices entail you and your partner being evaluated, questioned, and put under a microscope. Sometimes literally.

All of the choices can lead to heartbreak, disappointment, and loss.

All of the choices involve a leap of faith.

I am proud, terrified, ecstatic, nervous, and hopefully announcing that we are leaping.

When we get back from our cross country trip and find jobs, we will be pursuing domestic infant adoption.

Cross your fingers and hold on tight, because you know you are all coming along for the ride.

Source: google.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Posted in adoption, family, growing up | Tagged , | 16 Comments

Things I Don’t Understand

Posted on August 7, 2012 by jenn

 

We are newly reunited with cable. And therefore newly reunited with “reality TV.” And therefore newly educated on the existence of “Snooki” and the fact that she is having a baby. And we still aren’t. Really universe? I mean, no offense “Snooki,” but REALLY UNIVERSE!?!?!

 

Source: via James on Pinterest

 

I’ve eaten here once. I won’t eat here again for newly discovered reasons. I do not understand why we continue to spend time, money, and resources in an attempt to keep rights away from people. We have soooooo many more important things we should be pouring resources into. Religion should not play into law. The end. Move on. SO MANY OTHER THINGS! Poverty! Hunger! Education! Debt! Pick a topic and move on.

 

 

 

Oh, North Carolina. You are so much like Vermonters and Mainers that complain about snow in the winter. YOU LIVE IN NORTH CAROLINA. IT’S HOT HERE IN AUGUST. STOP WHINING. Okay, everyone gets to whine a little – but seriously? Also? Sweet tea is gross. Eww.

 

I feel like this is just me (and I should probably duck as people throw things at me), but the Olympics? Haven’t watched any of it. ANY. Not even the opening ceremony. I’m much more a winter Olympics girl.

So that’s my list, any things bugging you lately that you just don’t understand?

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This Little Light of Mine

Posted on July 31, 2012 by jenn

She is little.

Too little to know what she knows of the world.

The neglect of her parents. The failure of a system that is supposed to protect her.

Bruises that have healed from her skin, but remain in her heart.

She folds herself into a chair, pulling her knees close to her. Protection. Defense. Knobby-kneed line in the sand.

Her eyes are blank, refusing to give away any emotion.

I begin to draw on a blank piece of paper. Colorful swirls. Stick people.

She is watching me, but I do not meet her gaze.

I begin humming without even noticing.

She breaks her silence and it shatters like thin ice under a heavy footstep.

“What are you singing?”

I answer her, “a song called ‘This Little Light of Mine,’ I like to think everyone has light to share with the world.”

She is quiet for a moment, and then asks “do you think I have a light in me?”

I pause, and smile before I answer, “your light is so bright, I almost need sunglasses.”

She smiles quietly to herself and picks up a crayon.

We color and she hums along with me.

I am humbled by the moment – the moment where hope enters my office – as a small sliver of warm sunshine that chases away shadows and allows healing to begin.

***********

This post is part of a Hope relay! As we celebrate the Olympics, Melanie Crutchfield had the fabulous idea to pass the torch of “Hope” around the blogging community. The idea being that she has asked some fabulous folks to write about Hope, and then we ask some more fabulous folks to write about Hope and before you know it, Hope is spreading around the blogging community! Melanie is going to compile all of the posts she can at the end of the Olympics and host her own version of the closing ceremonies.

I invite any and all of you to write on the topic of Hope, but I am officially passing the baton of Hope to Kenya of Here’s the Thing, Jennifer of Another Jennifer, Molly Jo of Frankly My Dear… and Gina of Namaste By Day. I hope that you will all choose to write your own stories of hope, because I gather a lot of hope from you all.

Posted in joy | Tagged , , | 17 Comments

30

Posted on July 27, 2012 by jenn

So no one told you life was gonna be this way….

your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A…

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear…

when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but…

I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall.

I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.

I’ll be there for you – because you’re there for me too.

You’re still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You’ve burned your breakfast, so far things are going great
Your mother warned you there’d be days like these…
But she didn’t tell you when the world
Has brought you down to your knees that

I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall.

I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.

I’ll be there for you – because you’re there for me too.

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me
Since you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I’ll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I’m best with you, yeah

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week
Your month, or even your year

I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall.

I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.

I’ll be there for you – because you’re there for me too.

Happy 30th birthday.

Thank you for the laughs, tears, hugs, smiles, tantrums, hallway sitting, bad hair cuts, photo shoots, montages, notes passed in class, movie days, lens changes, kidney transplant, walks, gym dates, thai food runs, self portraits, timed pictures, hot pockets and cold soda, dog-nappings, chicken chinese food, birthday parties, bad ideas, good ideas, graduations, heartbreaks, car rides, surprises, girls weekends, and love. Couldn’t imagine the last sixteen years without you.

Here’s to 30 years ago when the Earth was blessed with you, and here’s to at least 70 more (when we’re in the locked unit at “The Home!”)

______________

*Lyrics, “I’ll Be There For You” by The Rembrandts

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Ours

Posted on July 25, 2012 by jenn

Not surprisingly, when we decided to move to North Carolina there were some people who thought we were crazy.

Mostly because we had no “reason” other than that we wanted to. Sure there are great bonuses to moving – it’s cheaper down here, warmer down here, did I mention cheaper? But really, we did leave perfectly good jobs, our home, our friends, and moved.

For no reason.

And then? We decided to take a couple of months off from working to do a cross country trip (starting in  month!!) and to enjoy our new home state. Without working. For three months. Oh boy, the judgment rolled in on this decision.

Was it the best ever financial decision? Of course not. We could have easily banked our house profit and 401k money and just went right into a new job. It probably would have even been smarter. But you know what? What other opportunity will we have in our life where we do not have the obligations of life and we CAN take off for a month and see the country? Uh, never.

So we’re taking the opportunity. We are living cheaply to save as much money as possible and we’re doing it. And unless I call you asking to pay my rent, it’s really none of anyone’s business but mine and Casey’s.

Isn’t it funny though how everyone has an opinion? A reason that we should or shouldn’t do different things?

I tire of it.

So much so that it makes me turn to Taylor Swift lyrics to express my frustration (I know, right?!)

“Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves
They’ll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury’s out, but my choice is you

So don’t you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours.”

On the other hand, I am more than thankful for the (majority) of friends and family who are cheering us on, and looking forward to vicariously living through our cross country trip. And to all the friends that made moving down here possible. And Stacey’s bad ass ability to help us replace 8 doors in order to sell our old house.

That’s what I choose to focus on 98% of the time, and for the others? I’m making them listen to Taylor Swift on repeat until they get it. Or run away screaming.

****

Linking up for Things I Can’t Say – Pour Your Heart Out and What’s the Word Wednesday!

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Letter to a Brand New Baby Girl

Posted on July 23, 2012 by jenn

Dear New Baby Girl,

In the grand scheme of all things, I haven’t known your parents that long. Only a few years really. A couple of years ago, I watched them dance at their wedding to a song that soon became one of my favorites. It’s a song that is titled “You Are The Best Thing,” and to watching them dance together to it was a moment I love to remember. I suspect that day was the best thing to happen to them as individuals coming together.

Now, I suspect the best thing that has happened to them as a couple – is you.

Get used to getting advice from those who have come before you. I think it’s only human nature to want to pass on advice to the next generations. You won’t listen to most of it – because it’s also human nature to ignore advice and make your own mistakes. And in that process of making your own mistakes, you will learn everything you need to know. And everyone else gets to say “I told you so!” So it’s a win-win.

Instead of a long list of things I’d like to tell you about life, I’ll instead tell you a whole long list of things I wish for you.

I sort of wish “Chuck Norris” would be your first words. It’s sort of fitting, and once you get to know your Mom better, you’ll understand. Maybe audacious would be a good first word, too. I’ll let you choose.

I wish that you will always know how wanted you are, before you were even born! You turned my spit-fire, fabulous, crass, outspoken friend into a mother. And I’ve never seen her happier.

I wish for you to know that being a strong woman has nothing to do with the size of your clothing, or the size of your brain – it has to do with the size of your heart. The ability to stand up for what you believe in, and to stand up for others. The ability to believe in yourself for exactly who you are – instead of what the world believes you should be. You’re going to have a hand up in this arena – you will be surrounded by strong women. But, I’m not going to lie. It will be hard – and sometimes your belief in yourself will waver. Don’t be afraid to reach out and gain strength from those around you – let them be your mirror.

I wish for you, beautiful new-to-the-world baby girl, that your hard work and determination will bring any dream you have to fruition. And to those who may say you can’t do something? Tell them to get out of your way.

Because I can already tell – you’re a doer. A go-getter. A dreamer. With red hair and kick ass parents.

Welcome to the world, little one.

We’re lucky to have you.

 

Posted in beauty, joy | Tagged | 10 Comments

Just Like Us

Posted on July 17, 2012 by jenn

 

Always changing, sometimes quickly and without warning.

Shifting into different shapes, depending on the conditions.

Moving in quickly and unpredictably when angry, causing others to take cover and hide.

Moving slowly and purposely when happy, causing others to stare in awe and lose themselves in their imaginations.

Sometimes completely absent from view, unformed – or hiding.

Stretched thin at sometimes, so thin that you can almost see through them.

Constantly in a state of change, flux, movement.

Clouds.

They are just like us.

Posted in joy, randomness | Tagged | 6 Comments