What They Don’t Know…

We are in the midst of a lot of goodbyes in our lives right now.

I have told many of my clients that I am leaving, with mixed emotions (from them and me).

I often wonder what they’ll tell their next therapist when he or she asks “what kinds of things did you do with Jenn?”

I suspect lots of them will say “we played games!” What they don’t know is that they learn best through games. That what they really learned in that game of chess or Yahtzee is how to finish what you start, how to be a graceful winner, how to try again when you lose, how to take turns, how to anticipate what others are going to do, how to predict consequences of your actions, how to take chances.

Some might say, “we drew pictures and colored!” What they don’t know is that through art, kids express their feelings and emotions. A dark day may be expressed through black scribbles or rain clouds. Secrets and life stories can be told through art when the right part of your brain takes over and leaves logic behind.

Other kids might say “we pretended we were other people!” because what they don’t know is that through role playing kids can learn how to react in social situations, how to initiate conversation, how to increase their self esteem, how to have hard conversations, how to fit in just the right amount while still being who they are.

My adult clients will probably say “we just talked,” even though what they don’t know is that they entered a healthy therapeutic relationships with boundaries and expectations that they may not know or experience in many of their other relationships. They were held accountable, they were challenged, and most of all – they were supported and validated. If I’ve been doing my job right they felt valued and important, because they are.

There are so many things in “therapy” that we teach, not through a long lecture where kids or adults are forced to listen to concepts they don’t care about or don’t understand – but through how we interact with them. The tools we create to support them.

So, their next therapist might think “wow, all she did was color, play games and talk?” But if they’re any good at all, they will hear what my clients are not saying – they will pay attention to they things my clients learned without even knowing it.