Men are from Mars…

Posted on February 4, 2013 by jenn

There’s a few things I hate. And I always do them to myself. Like how I didn’t put my clothes away yesterday, so I started today off digging through the hamper full of clothes.

Which made me late, so I didn’t make the bed.

And then I hopped in my car and realized I never got gas over the weekend. And I HATE having to stop and get gas on Monday morning. Don’t ask me why, I just hate it. So I figured I’d push my luck and get gas on my way home from work. Except I didn’t even make it 15 minutes into my ride to work when the gas light came on.

Ugh.

So I think “no big deal, I’ll get gas near work.” I fly by a few gas stations because they aren’t on the right side of the road. Literally and figuratively.

And then I run straight into a huge line of stopped traffic. With my gas light on. Over a bridge. Obviously I start running through all the worst case scenarios. I scan the traffic ahead and behind me, wondering if any of these people carry gas cans filled with gas they might let me use. And then I wonder if I would even have cash to pay that pretend person I was getting gas from. And then I wonder if we brought our gas can from Maine that we used for our lawnmower and if my Mom could siphon gas into it and bring it to me. And… so on. You get the gist.

As I’m sitting there, wishing and hoping and running worst case scenarios through my mind, I laugh out loud, thinking Casey would take this as a challenge, he wouldn’t be panicking – he would be proud. Because you know, it’s such a guy thing to push how far you can go on a tank of gas (no offense to any girls that also take that little gas light as a personal challenge).

Turns out, I made it to a gas station, and all is well. And I  figured out another reason why Men are from Mars and Women are from Planet Common Sense. Well this, and the fact that he’s looking forward to the newest “Die Hard” movie.

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All That Really Matters (by Casey)

Posted on February 2, 2013 by jenn

All That Really Matters

When I look at you, I realize
There comes a time in someone’s life,
When you find things that matter.

And every time we touch,
The love runs deep.

We realize it’s our to keep,
And that’s all that really matters.

You’ll always be my sweet addiction.
In this life, my saving grace.

Girl, you’re all that really matters,
You know it’s true.
Ain’t no me without you.

When you’re in the dark,
Baby, don’t despair.
I’m just a spark away,
I will be there.
And that’s all that really matters.

You’ll always be my sweet addiction.
In this life, my saving grace.
Girl, you’re all that really matters.
You know it’s true.
Ain’t no me without you.

We’ll share our lives together.
Yes our flame burns on forever.
And at the final curtain call,
We can say we did it all!

You’ll always be my sweet addiction.
In this life, my saving grace.
Girl, you’re all that really matters.
You know it’s true.
Ain’t no me without you.

And when we turn to dust,
And we fly away,
There’ll be a light still burning bright…

…And that’s all that really matters.

“All That Really Matters” lyrics are property of Richie Sambora.

Posted in saturdays with casey | 4 Comments

I write all my best posts while I’m driving.

Posted on January 22, 2013 by jenn

Okay well I don’t technically write posts while I’m driving, but I do think them up.

And when I think them up they are eloquent, wise, and they would leave you speechless.

No, really. I swear.

But as soon as I get home there’s dinner to be had, dogs to be walked, and I don’t know if you know this but the TV doesn’t watch itself. So those grand ideas leave my head, and world peace goes unsolved yet again.

I could get something to dictate to. But we all know I wouldn’t do that either.

It’s just what we do. When we’re alone with our thoughts -things make sense, they flow, ideas are free to rumble around our brains.

Until the world interrupts. And we move on to the next thing.

Isn’t that always the way?

What problems have you solved, if only in your mind, lately?

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Why I Couldn’t Live Alone

Posted on January 14, 2013 by jenn

So I was flying solo this weekend. Many bloggers choose not to say when their significant other is out of town for safety reasons. Me? I was just too lazy to blog this weekend, even though I really had nothing else to do.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I did take this weekend to unpack ALL of my clothes. Many of which I haven’t seen since June when I packed them up in Maine. I really probably don’t fit into them anymore since the road trip and holidays anyway. And since Casey wasn’t here to fight for his half of the closet, he has approximate 1/4 of the closet left to fit all of his clothes once he gets around to unpacking. What can I say? First come, first hang? Whatever.

But, anyway. I really could not live alone full time. Sunday afternoon, I came downstairs and the front door was wide open. Naturally, I grabbed the first thing closest to me – a wicker basket for holding mail – and started to search the perimeter. (Stating it that way makes me sound way cooler). Then, somewhere around the guest bathroom I caught sight of myself- crouched half-way down holding a wicker basket saying “Skeeter, where’s the bad guy?!” and I realized I really shouldn’t live alone.

Listen, our front door doesn’t shut tight and I have no doubt that the wind blew it open after I haphazardly shut the door after coming home from the beach. OR, the bad guy is somewhere in here quaking in fear of my wicker basket. I mean, seriously, this house is so big I’d never find him if he kept on the move.

I tried hard to keep myself occupied this weekend. I read on the front porch, I took Skeeter to the beach, I watched Grey’s Anatomy with Stacey (via Skype), I watched “Horrible Bosses” (pretty funny!) and I sought out Thai food. But I am just too much of a social person, and we just don’t have friends here yet. Even if half the time we’re home together I’m telling Casey that I need some alone time. Oh the inner conflict.

Well, Casey is on his way home from Maine and fingers crossed he makes it (his flights were cancelled yesterday, and already delayed again this morning).

So at least I’ll have someone to search the perimeter with me next time.

Posted in marriage, randomness | 4 Comments

Protecting my heart

Posted on January 7, 2013 by jenn

There is that quote out there that says something like “having a child is like watching your heart walk around outside your body.”

And I’m sure that’s true.

But isn’t that true for everyone we truly love?

I think it’s because we can’t protect those we love. We see them walking around all day, and we just hold our breath – hoping that nothing bad ever happens to them. We want to divert any crisis, take on any illness for them. We want to protect our heart – and our heart is them.

I can’t really get into the specifics -VagueBlogging – it’s all the rage. It’s just that it’s not my story to tell. And it’s not a story for the interwebs. But just throw out your good juju and thoughts if you will.

A piece of my heart, that’s out there walking around outside my body, could really use it right now.

 

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You Are Not Our Second Choice

Posted on January 4, 2013 by jenn

You were always part of our family plan.

And as life has probably already taught you, life takes our “plans” and laughs at them. We are thrown challenges, changes, and so many curve-balls. Our well thought out plans become nothing but memories.

Things that we believe to be true are not. Things that seem easy can become so very hard.

Life is like that.

So often it gives us what we need, instead of what we believe we need. Those two things aren’t always different, but they are sometimes.

For example, we didn’t know that you would come to us first.

But we always knew you would come to us. That someday, our paths would cross and all of our lives would be forever changed.

I don’t know why it’s so important for you to know this, whoever you are, wherever you are – but my heart needs your heart to understand that you are not our consolation prize. You are not a solution to our own infertility. You are not plan B.

You are not our second choice.

We just didn’t know that you would come to us now, at this time. We thought it would be later.

But it’s not. And isn’t that wonderful?

Life is bringing us all one step closer to each other as we speak.

And when we meet –  when your  footsteps are running down the stairs in the morning, when it is your laugh echoing through this house, when it is you playing with our dog, and when yours is the hand I hold on the way to the bus stop – please know that your presence in our life was planned from the very beginning.

We know that it won’t be an easy journey. That this will be a huge change, and challenge for all of us. However, rest assured, that our family is one worth fighting for. And things that challenge us are the things that make us stronger, better, more capable.

The best things in life are often the things that don’t come easy.

And now that we’re on this path to you?

We can’t wait.

But we will – and it will be totally worth it.

Posted in adoption, family, growing up | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

A New Year Plunge

Posted on January 1, 2013 by jenn

Some people jump into the ocean on New Year’s Day.

Some people run through the snow barefoot.

Us? We took a different kind of plunge this year.

This plunge? It’s a game changer.

 

Posted in adoption | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

2012: That’s a wrap.

Posted on December 31, 2012 by jenn

Goodbye 2012. Thanks for the laughs, the change, the challenges, the incredible adventures, the tears, the hugs, the truths, and as always – the love.

“What a year for a new year, and our star shines like a miracle, and our world is almost beautiful again….what a year for a new year.” -Dan Wilson

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Just in case you thought I was kidding about Norman Rockwell…

Posted on December 24, 2012 by jenn

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, my friends.

Be kind to one another, and enjoy the true spirit of this season.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

We’re not sure how this goes.

Posted on December 17, 2012 by jenn

I could write to you as someone who used to work in a school.

I could write to you as someone who is a mental health professional, and has worked with kids for years. Yes, even violent ones.

But I think it’s more important to write to you as a human being.

As someone who, too, cannot make sense of the senseless.

Events like these shake us to the very core of our humanity. They expose the vulnerability, that in reality, we have every day – but do our very best to hide. Our inability to control the future, to fully protect the ones we love, to understand that any moment could be the last. To truly be present in every moment – is hard, to say the least – because how does one find meaning in every day moments like taking out the trash or brushing our teeth? We don’t. And we move through our lives, much of the day on autopilot, until we are shaken.

______________

then it’s one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it’s how long? and how far?
and how many times before it’s too late?

______________

Reminded. That there are no guarantees in this world. That the next moment is never promised to us. That the world – owes us nothing.

I don’t believe that we will find meaning in this tragedy. The fact that 26 people lost their lives on Friday will make no more sense if we begin attacking each other on political and spiritual fronts. The fact that 20 children will not open Christmas presents in 8 days will not resolve itself if we analyze the shooter’s mental health diagnosis. It doesn’t make sense. And all we can do is sit with that uncomfortable feeling. That vulnerability. The very thing that makes us all human.

______________

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don’t leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we’re cryin’ and we’re hurtin’
and we’re not sure why…

______________

The United States does not need to be further divided. The families of these children and teachers do not need to become the foundation of political platforms or religious debates. We need unity. We need to embrace each others as humans – no more safe or protected than any other human on this Earth. Not really.

______________

and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it’s almost…it’s almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you’d finally understand what this all means…
but if you could…do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you’d miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving

______________

To the families, children, and to everyone reading this post I say Namaste -the light within me bows to the light within you. The light within us will drive out the darkness, if only we acknowledge it.

______________

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don’t leave me alone
callin’ all angels
callin’ all angels
we’re tryin’
we’re hopin’
we’re hurtin’
we’re lovin’
we’re cryin’
we’re callin’
’cause we’re not sure how this goes

______________

*Lyrics “Calling All Angels” by Jane Siberry

 

 

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