Goodbye 2012. Thanks for the laughs, the change, the challenges, the incredible adventures, the tears, the hugs, the truths, and as always – the love.
“What a year for a new year, and our star shines like a miracle, and our world is almost beautiful again….what a year for a new year.” -Dan Wilson
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, my friends.
Be kind to one another, and enjoy the true spirit of this season.
I could write to you as someone who used to work in a school.
I could write to you as someone who is a mental health professional, and has worked with kids for years. Yes, even violent ones.
But I think it’s more important to write to you as a human being.
As someone who, too, cannot make sense of the senseless.
Events like these shake us to the very core of our humanity. They expose the vulnerability, that in reality, we have every day – but do our very best to hide. Our inability to control the future, to fully protect the ones we love, to understand that any moment could be the last. To truly be present in every moment – is hard, to say the least – because how does one find meaning in every day moments like taking out the trash or brushing our teeth? We don’t. And we move through our lives, much of the day on autopilot, until we are shaken.
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then it’s one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it’s how long? and how far?
and how many times before it’s too late?
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Reminded. That there are no guarantees in this world. That the next moment is never promised to us. That the world – owes us nothing.
I don’t believe that we will find meaning in this tragedy. The fact that 26 people lost their lives on Friday will make no more sense if we begin attacking each other on political and spiritual fronts. The fact that 20 children will not open Christmas presents in 8 days will not resolve itself if we analyze the shooter’s mental health diagnosis. It doesn’t make sense. And all we can do is sit with that uncomfortable feeling. That vulnerability. The very thing that makes us all human.
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calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don’t leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we’re cryin’ and we’re hurtin’
and we’re not sure why…
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The United States does not need to be further divided. The families of these children and teachers do not need to become the foundation of political platforms or religious debates. We need unity. We need to embrace each others as humans – no more safe or protected than any other human on this Earth. Not really.
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and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it’s almost…it’s almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you’d finally understand what this all means…
but if you could…do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you’d miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving
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To the families, children, and to everyone reading this post I say Namaste -the light within me bows to the light within you. The light within us will drive out the darkness, if only we acknowledge it.
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calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don’t leave me alone
callin’ all angels
callin’ all angels
we’re tryin’
we’re hopin’
we’re hurtin’
we’re lovin’
we’re cryin’
we’re callin’
’cause we’re not sure how this goes
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*Lyrics “Calling All Angels” by Jane Siberry
Really cool things are happening.
We close on our dream house on Wednesday. The movers are coming on Saturday. And my house is now boxes. Again. Still. Whatever.
I’ve gotten multiple info on my friends in Maine who are planning their LEGAL WEDDINGS! I mean seriously, I could cry. I have cried. Don’t judge. Thanks again Maine, for making equal marriage rights happen. For real. Now Supreme Court? Let’s jump on the bandwagon, mmmmkay?
Work is crazy (but I love my job), moving is crazy (but it’s a dream house, really), and blogging has gotten lost in the crazy and let’s face it, that probably isn’t going to change until January. So I know you’ll forgive me. You know, the five of you that are still reading (HI!!! by the way).
So go visit some other cool things happening, in my absence.
Molly has started up a Kickstarter campaign to produce a second edition of her Unemployment Cookbook ( I own the first, and it is awesome – especially if you’re cooking on a budget). Support a fellow blogger, small business. For real. It’s awesome.
Speaking of supporting an awesome fellow blogger, Kenya has produced her second book! It’s a copy of The Christopher Chronicles (the 2nd edition with MORE gems). I have met this kid, and he is the real deal funny, don’t even get me started on how he feels about 80’s music. And I promise you won’t regret buying this and supporting Kenya and Christopher.
If you need any jewelry for Christmas or holiday gifts, GO HANDMADE AND SMALL BUSINESS. Like here (I ordered a remembrance necklace from her, to remember our baby) or here, which I just ordered – a necklace! with lace from my wedding gown (the woman who kindly altered my gown for free gave me the scraps)! AHMAZING. And speaking of which, I wish there was a reason to wear my wedding gown more often.
Anyway, that’s all for now folks. I probably will be blogging next from our new home. With the fireplace going, Christmas lights twinkling, and Norman Rockwell throwing up all over the place.
Merry everything!!!!
It happens.
You know the feeling.
When life gets overwhelming.
One day, you’ll be kicking life’s butt and taking names. Conquering the world with your can-do attitude while unicorns sing your praises and you sneeze glitter.
But then. Things happen.
Maybe here’s a crisis. Be it medical, life changing, or simply the times when the small everyday crises mold together in a mob mentality and form one big breakdown that is usually triggered by the stupidest thing ever.
And then you let go. And you cry The Ugly Cry. You feel the feeling of dread. You start hitting the snooze on the alarm until you make yourself run late, which always ruins the whole day. You can’t begin to know where to start on your to-do list so you start doing things that aren’t even on your to-do list (and then adding those things to the list just so you can cross them off).
If you’re like me, you’ll start snapping at people around you. Feeling emotional for “no reason.” Tersely replying, “I’m fine” when people inquire about why you’re acting this way.
So I’m here to remind you, and really I’m here to remind myself, you are so much stronger than you think you are.
And everything gets done. Really, it does. You’ve been here before. In the midst of this feeling. In the quicksand of not-enough-time, amid the jungle of too-much-to-do. And you’ve gotten through it before. And you will again.
Look in the mirror today, get out your pom-poms, and remind yourself – you! are! so! much! stronger! than! you! think! you! are!
And if all else fails, this always makes my day brighter….
Source: Uploaded by user via Jenn on Pinterest
Happy Monday, folks. Let’s go kick it right in the face!
I promise, we’re here.
Taking pictures….
Taking naps…
Taking in sunrises….
Taking long walks….
Taking Nikon’s manual controls for another spin…
So have no fear, we’re here. My words have been stuck in my head this week, swirling. But soon they’ll be flowing again.
And until then…..
Warning: pure joy may be closer than it appears.
I’ve worked with a lot of children in the past five years. I’ve worked with children who have been hurt, emotionally and physically by their biological parents.
I’ve written statements that in the end will support a court or child welfare agency’s decision to terminate parental rights.
Last night, as I sat in a family team meeting, a mother was asked to place her children with their father, because she was not following through with recommendations and the children were not safe with her.
And through screams and tears, she ultimately decided to allow this, without going back to court, which would have forced the decision anyway.
And, just like always, I had a knot in my stomach.
Watching the pain a mother goes through when she realizes she cannot care for her child. Sometimes I think there is a general belief that mother’s that place their child for foster care, adoption, or who have their children removed from their home are bad mothers that don’t love their children.
But aside from true sociopaths (which really isn’t common), I don’t believe I’ve ever met a mother who didn’t love their child. It’s just they don’t know how to be a mother. They weren’t taught. They might have been abused in their own life. They may have drug addictions. They are often in abusive relationships. They don’t have resources. Like many mothers, they get overwhelmed, but many of these mothers don’t know how to ask for help – until it’s too late and the decision is no longer theirs to make.
And so, they make the ultimate sacrifice. Sometimes it’s not their choice, sometimes it is. But it’s always a sacrifice.
I’m not saying the abusive behavior is okay because clearly it’s not, and I have been very angry with parents and made my own judgments about them – but I’m saying we have to be wary of generalizations, and realize that these women are human beings.
And as I sat in that office, with tears in my eyes, watching a mother choose ultimately what is best for her children over what she wanted, I was proud of her. I was moved by her decision.
And I realized that Casey and I will receive a child into our home someday, whose mother and father have made that decision.
A mother and father who have decided to put their child’s needs over their own.
The ultimate sacrifice.
To that mother and father, wherever they are, whenever we meet, please know we will come without judgment in our hearts, and only gratitude for the bravest decision you’ll ever make.
So yesterday was a Monday.
Obviously.
It started at 5am.
My 5 minute hot shower turned cold 1 minute in.
Soon after, I started to brush my teeth with face wash.
Work was crazy.
I got into my car at 5:30.
And as usual these days, it’s pitch black and feels like bedtime.
I drove to pick up Skeeter at his dog daycare place, where she tells me he’s been waiting by the gate since 3pm wanting to go home. Lay on the dog-mama guilt.
I walk Skeeter to the car and give him a kiss on top of his head, only to realize that….
a dog totally peed on his head.
DIRECTLY on his head that I was kissing.
For the second time in a week.
I wave my white flag – Monday, you totally win.
And then we partake in buffalo wings. Because when life pees directly on your dog’s head and then you kiss it, apparently buffalo wings are the answer. Just in case you were wondering.
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Source: someecards.com via Jenn on Pinterest
1. We’re moving. Again. In about a month. And I haven’t packed anything or thought about packing anything.Other than typing this sentence, of course.
2. I find pictures of people’s children on the toilet disturbing. I mean, really? This is the internet people. I don’t really care how cute Susie is while she’s potty training, it doesn’t need to be on instagram.
3. We wore shorts all weekend. In November. I know that Kenya is sad about this, but we couldn’t be happier! Especially when we call back home and they have snow and 40 degree weather! 😉
4. I have angered my sciatic nerve I believe. Diagnosis courtesy of Dr. Google. My insurance isn’t effective until December. Anyone have any exercises that might help? It hurts to go from sitting to standing position, with pains down my right leg. Suggestions welcome!
5. I ordered an Instagram photo book from Keepsy.com and I LOVE IT. It came out so beautiful, and I highly recommend them. Easy to use, and quick production.
6. Music I’m loving right now – Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Brandi Carlile, Matt Nathanson and the new Train album. Also, they are playing a song by Nickel Creek called “When You Come Back Down” at the funeral for that little girl, and it’s a beautiful song (though I’m not a typical Nickel Creek fan).
7. I love my new job. I never thought I’d like being a supervisor, but it turns out I was a little burned out working with clients directly because I’m really enjoying being one step removed. I know that won’t be for long, and I’ll look into having a small private practice on the side, but for now – I’m really happy.
8. It’s time for my morning walk! Have a good day everyone!
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