Lately I’ve been pondering the word – forgiveness.
Some may say that I am a very forgiving person, and I am. To you. But not very much to myself. I hold high standards for myself, and can be a little harsh when I feel I am falling short of these standards. In this year, as part of learning to let go – I am trying to forgive myself. More specifically, my body. For not carrying our baby. For not doing what it is “supposed” to do. For my perceived failure. Because it is not failure (and my logical mind knows this), but it is what it is. And so I am learning to forgive.
I have been reading this book, Buddha’s Brain, by Rick Hanson. It has an exercise on forgiveness in it. I’m posting it here, and challenging YOU to forgive someone that you have been angry with, even if it’s yourself.
The Ten Thousand Things (page 165)
Relax and steady the mind, focusing on the breath.
Pick a situation in which you feel someone has wronged you. Be mindful of your reactions to this person, especially the deeper ones. Scan yourself for any ill will.
Now reflect on some of the various causes—the ten thousand things—-that have led this person to act in the way that he has.
Consider biologically based factors affecting him, like pain, age, innate temperament, or intelligence..
Consider the realities of his life: race, gender, class, job, responsibilities, daily stresses.
Consider whatever you know about his childhood. Consider major events in his life as an adult.
Consider his mental processes, personality, values, fears, hot buttons, hopes, and dreams.
Consider his parents in light of whatever you know or can reasonably guess about them; consider too, the factors that may have shaped their lives.
Reflect on the historical events and other upstream forces that have formed the river of causes flowing through his life today.
Look inside yourself again. Do you feel any differently now about him? Do you feel any differently about yourself?
______________________
And a sentence that struck me hard, in regards to other people:
Be cautious about attributing intentions to other people…most of the time you are just a bit player in other people’s drama; they are not targeting you in particular. (page 164).
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Anyway, just some very interesting reading and I highly recommend this book! Have a great Thursday everyone!
Such an important but tough concept. I am so happy to hear you are starting to forgive. It’s a hard journey but an important one.
And I really love the passage from that book. Thank you so much for sharing (and I might have to go buy it today!).
Tricia recently posted..Seeking approval
That last quote is wonderful. Most days I am able to give people the benefit of the doubt and not assume I know why they did what they did. I’m trying to teach my children this. My husband really struggles with it, too.
And, while I forgive others pretty well, I struggle forgiving myself, too. Even when I know my intentions were good. I struggle to forgive myself for not being perfect. But I’m working on it.
I hope today is a great day for you.
misssrobin recently posted..Confronting My Therapist
What a great post! I am struggling lately with things from my childhood that resurface every time I attend a family reunion. It is really tough. While I know deep down that the people who played these significant roles in my childhood struggle with their own insecurities, their behavior towards me has also shaped my life today, and not always in good ways. Forgiving and learning to be strong in yourself and love yourself despite how you’ve been treated is hard.
Joanne recently posted..Bonding with Daddy
Forgiveness. Something I struggle with repeatedly. It’s easy to forgive others, but harder to forgive ourselves, isn’t it? And what’s strange is that I find this is a common theme around the blogosphere and with my friends lately. Either we are all feeling in sync or there really is something to the idea that we are just so gosh-darn hard on ourselves far too frequently in life.
Thanks for posting this. It was something I needed to read.
Charlotte recently posted..so you say my ex is married
Crap. Now I have to follow your blog. (I have too many blogs to follow already!) Such beautiful words, and such a beautiful way to live. Thank you for this.
Melanie recently posted..Wait, Why Is This In My Mouth?