Sometimes: Pour Your Heart Out

Sometimes I wake up with it in my head.

Sometimes I fall asleep thinking about it.

Sometimes my stomach aches at the thought of it.

Sometimes my heart soars with the hope that surrounds it.

Sometimes tears form where there were none.

Sometimes a lump forms in my throat at the joy of other’s news.

Sometimes I am a shell within myself.

Sometimes I am an advocate for myself, and for you, who has been where I am.

Sometimes I curse the universe.

Sometimes I have faith in the universe.

Sometimes I make up games with my husband about it, to bring humor to a painful situation.

Sometimes I’m not thinking about it at all.

Sometimes I feel strong.

Sometimes I feel broken.

Sometimes I feel like I talk about it too much.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t acknowledge it enough.

Sometimes I gather strength from friends around me.

Sometimes I can’t stand to be around others.

Conflicted but clear.

Isolated, but connected.

Infertility.

A devastating word.

But not a defining one.

Not for me.

Except it is…sometimes.