Dear Facebook

Hello old friend.

I remember back when I first stumbled upon you. How neat to connect with other people around the world! With classmates from high school! With classmates from college! With my classmate’s mom’s friend’s babysitter’s cousin’s dogwalker’s dog on Dogbook!

There are so many things I love about you. Truly. But can we talk about a few things?

1) I’m a big fan of the notion that the “reply all” button on e-mail should be password protected. Why, dear Facebook, would you create a message system that has NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE than to reply to everyone if you receive a mass distributed message? It’s like “reply all” on ‘roid rage!

2) Much like a toddler, an electronic records system, and life – just when I have you figured out… YOU CHANGE EVERYTHING. I’m not really sure why. We had a nice, clean, simple interface. Now? You are busy. ALL OVER. Too busy. My brain gets overstimulated and I have too much information.

3) As much as I was on the market for a stalker to make my life interesting, I think you went a wee bit overboard. I mean, stalking someone is supposed to be work. Now? You just gotta look at their “check in” on facebook and you know right where they are. Better yet, I can also stalk someone’s click-to-click activity! Charming, really! But let’s put the fun back in stalking and not just give them all the information, mmmmkay? (BTW, Twitter, my new friend. No need to jump on the bandwagon and start a Twitter Activity tab. You can still get rid of it, it’s pretty new. Don’t go to the dark side!)

4) I will thank you a million times over for allowing me to “hide” people from my feeds. This is an infertile person’s key to survival on facebook. I wish though, there was some alerts that you could put on about pregnancy announcements. They are unexpected, and before I can hide that stream, I’ve seen it and can be found crying in the shower at my gym. Could you work on that?

5) Okay, I know that you can’t really monitor what gets posted in status updates. But it would be neat if we could add things like spell check, grammar check, and relevancy check to status updates. That way we can avoid embarassing “your vs. you’re” mistakes, as well as those embarassing updates about the time of day a person is going to the bathroom. A nice little message could pop up, calling attention to the person’s mistake. And if you go with this idea, can we also alert the ppl that speakz like thiz that they l00k like loozers? Thanks.

Again, I apppreciate all you do. I still check you a couple of times a day, and I know our relationship won’t end any time soon. Just a few minor tweaks and we can bump it up to the next level! Otherwise, Twitter is going to become my main social media squeeze.

C U l8ter,
Jenn