So, a couple of posts back I promised a cheerier post, and while this one won’t be as dark and gloomy as the last two, it does deal with a problem I have. I collect crap. Lots of crap. I always have, and to some degree, probably always will.
To really illustrate just what I’m talking about here, and in order to properly give you a good picture of the resolution (this story has a happy ending), I’m going to have to give you some history. I’ll try to keep it short and not ramble on like the old man that I am, (GET OFF MY PORCH YOU YOUNGINGS!).
My parents did a very good job of supplying me with nice things to play with. Being a boy, and one who wasn’t into cars or sports, my primary love was action figures, figurines, and pretty much anything that I could use to act out my own stories. Creativity and imagination are great, right?
Unfortunately, I also have some obsessive tendencies. I like things to be complete. I like to have every character in a set, or as close as I can get. You might be thinking something like, “Well that’s not so bad, I (or someone I know) used to collect Star Wars characters, or baseball cards, or My Little Ponies as a kid.” Well, I liked multiple toy lines. I have had large very respectable collections of the following: Smurfs, He-Man, Transformers, G.I.Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Care Bears, ThunderCats, Silverhawks, Rock Lords, Army Ants, Food Fighters, X-Men, Spider-Man, Beast Wars, Battle Builders, Star Wars, The Simpsons, and Spongebob Squarepants. And that’s not counting toy lines that I had a couple of figures from here and there, that are too numerous to bother mentioning. And I also had a TON of board games.
And SpongeBob? Could an old fart like me have been a kid at any point in Spongebob’s 12 and a half year history? Oh no, this didn’t end with childhood. I did stop buying and playing with toys for a few years in my early to mid teens because I felt that it wouldn’t be “cool”. Then, upon graduating high school, growing up, getting a job, and being able to drive, I decided I could have more than ever. I had grown up resources and the sky was the limit!
Where did all of this get stored? When most kids are growing up, their old toys get put into a yard/garage/tag sale. But for someone like me that has a hard time letting go of crap, my old toys got stored in the loft of our old barn.
I can remember being 12 and giving some things to charity, but not a lot. I don’t know why I have always had trouble giving stuff up, especially stuff I don’t use anymore. I think I feel like I’m throwing out the memories of enjoying it, and being rude to whoever got it for me (in the case of my childhood toys) by getting rid of it, even if it’s something I no longer need.
It didn’t end with toys. When I was in my early teens, I decided to obsessively tape every episode of my favorite shows. I started collecting comic books and video games. I had various trading card games and role-playing games. As an adult, I got into collectible miniature games, Heroclix in particular.
At first, the system of storing things in the barn worked out ok. Then when I really went crazy with obsessively buying crap as an adult, my room got full, and things were spilling out into oddball corners of other rooms at my parents’ house. Then I moved into my own house. This gave me some room to spread out my clutter, but not enough room to put the stuff in the barn and every little thing from my parents’ house.
I think my road to healing began in 2009. About a month before Jenn and I were engaged, we tried a “trial living together week”, where she moved in from Sunday to Sunday. One of the first things she wanted to do was get rid of the Spongebob decor in the bathroom (yes, I’m serious, there was even a framed Spongebob toilet seat on the wall). This really bothered me at first. I didn’t want to throw out the Spongebob shower curtain and hangers, etc. I wanted to at least keep them packed in the garage. There was a lot of crying. Serious crying. Jenn tried to convince me that it was just a shower curtain, but such a change was painful to me. Jenn suggested that maybe we weren’t meant to live together and our relationship was as serious as it was going to get. She also said something to the effect of “It’s like you don’t want me to move in with you, you just want to have your house the way it is with me in it.”
I think this is what finally truly snapped my brain into sanity. Jenn did convince me to grow up and accept change, after a tear filled, whiny morning. What is a bunch of Spongebob crap compared to the life we were trying to build together? She didn’t know it, but at the time I was planning on proposing within the next few months. That wasn’t going to go to waste over a damn shower curtain.
So we bought some new decor and put it up, and dumped the Spongebob stuff in my parents’ dumpster. It felt great picking out stuff together and putting it up!
That spring, we were engaged and Jenn planned to move in at the end of June when her and Stacey’s apartment lease was up. Naturally, I thought it would be very welcoming of me to let her bring her stuff with her. That meant getting rid of a lot of my junk. So I went through a rigorous process covering a month or so of cleaning up, throwing stuff out, and getting things together for a yard sale. It was fun, although I admit it was a little freaky on occassion watching people walk off with my stuff.
We were married in the fall, and that winter/spring, I decided after three and a half years, that it was time to clean out my parents’ barn. I believe I spent 5 weekends cleaning it out, sorting things into trash, goodwill, and “keep” piles. I kept my most favorite toys from all of my favorite toy lines and put them in a single box. Continuing from there, I tackled the piles of stuff in our garage, that used to be in my old bedroom. I think that was another two weekends.
It was then I realized that there was consequence to my hoarding; it was stealing time from me while I purged it all. This “curse” is haunting me to this day. A big part of getting the house ready for sale is getting rid of stuff. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s getting much closer than it was a few years ago. A couple more trips to Goodwill and I’ll mainly be down to my 5,000 or so comics, which I plan on selling most of. In fact, I actually did sell four last week: It’s a start!
Jenn has helped me a lot with my weird hoarding tendencies. She’s helped me see that when you throw something out you still have the memory, and she’s helped me to better sort what I’ll actually use at some point from what will get thrown in the back of a closet not to be seen again until the next big cleanout. Just one of the many ways that she’s helped me grow as a person, and one of the many reasons why I’m so lucky to have her.
Sweet. I can understand how difficult it is to let go of things that you're attached to. Toys especially. Glad to know that you guys are working it out and slowly letting go of old things. I'm still keeping stuff from my children's pre-school years. May be one day I'll get rid of them. Thanks for sharing.
Wow. This is such a powerful post. I am an engineer too, but the exact opposite. I hold onto nothing. I am not sentimental. My entire family is dead and I have 2 boxes and 6 sets of china to show for it. Reading your post, however, made me ache for things that maybe I got rid of too rashly. Thank you for sharing.
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My grandmother and my mother both have issues with letting go of things, and I think out of fear that I would end up like that, I've over-compensated. I have slight OCD about clutter and dirt, and I don't keep much.
Thanks for posting this.
Nice to meet you Casey! I had to scroll back up to the title when I read, "Being a boy", I said, huh? I don't know if you meant for this to be funny but I laughed myself to tears! I can not relate at all. I throw away stuff too fast sometimes wondering where the dump is that it went to. Enjoyed the post!
I think it's fabulous that you faced your hoarding problem so head-on. Hoarding runs in our family and I swear, it's a nightmare not just for the person who does it but for friends and relations as well. My grandmother refuses to admit she has a problem and continues to buy or take things to add to her home, which is so overflowing with junk that she has a rodent problem. My mother admits she has the problem but can't seem to overcome it enough to tackle it, and therefore does things like refuse invitations to visit someone at their house – because she can't return the invitation by having them back to hers. Me – well, I've moved a lot, so I have somewhat managed to overcome it. I can usually sit down and argue myself through the 'keep or throw' decision – but I still deal with that internal agony over the very idea of throwing something away!
@Sela Toki – Thanks! I'm sure it's probably much different when it's your child's possessions. Someday, I may have to fight that battle with myself.
@Rachel – I don't know if it's something you should necessarily beat yourself up over. Remember, you always have the memories.
@Janice – Many of my family members (my mother and grandmother included) have those same tendencies, but it unfortunately, had the opposite effect on me, than on you. Congrats on breaking the cycle!
@Kenya – Nice to meet you, too! I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's funny how one person's treasure is another person's trip to the dump!
@ Miss A. Layknee – Thanks! I've personally never seen hoarding on the level you described, but I hope your grandmother and mother can learn to win the battle the way you are. It's strange how it is an internal battle. Sometimes when I'm cleaning, I'll put something in the "keep" pile, only to look at it later and decide it goes in the trash or with the donations. It's just something some of us have to fight several rounds to overcome, I guess.
Thanks for sharing this. Scary because you described my husband in your post. He still has stuff from childhood that he just can't let go. He also collects toys and figures and like you has to have the whole set. I'm the opposite way in that I don't like too much clutter and never have a problem sending something off to goodwill or the trash. It's a source of conflict for us but nothing I've said has made a dent in his obsessive need to keep stuff. I'm glad you have Jenn to support you!