Happy Friday, everyone! I tried to start a Kid Quote blog, that didn’t really take off. Basically, I frequently post “Kid Quote of the Day” on my facebook (because the kids I work with? HILARIOUS!). I tried to start a blog to keep updated with the funnies. Turns out? I can barely pay attention to one blog, nevermind two. So I decided to start doing a feature of Kid Quotes on Friday (who doesn’t love to laugh on a Friday?!) At some point I may even try to do a link-up, because I know a lot of you are Moms who have adorable and funny kids. For now? No linky, just read!
I’m starting with some oldies but goodies! Enjoy!
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“I got fired from school. Yeah, I was sleeping on the job.” -5 year old
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6 year old (making smoothie): “I’m sure the natives will liked this, they like watermelon.”
Me: “The natives?”
6 year old: “You know, Canadians!”
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4 year old: “Jenn do you need a hairbrush?”
Me: “No thanks, why?”
4 year old: “Your hair looks messy!”
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5 year old: “I was late to the bus stop today.”
Me: “Oh yeah, what time did you make it there?”
5 year old: “I’m not sure, I had a watch, but I ate it.”
Me: “You ATE it?”
5 year old: “Well, yeah, it was candy!”
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7 year old: Did you know, I’m going to Disneyland for my birthday!
Me: WOW, how long are you going to be there?
7 year old: I’m not sure, first I have to tell my Mom that I’m going.
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Me: What do you think bullies become when they grow up?
6 year old: Teenagers!
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5 year old: Did you know that I learned to tie my shoes when I was 3? yup, I went to school for it. Shoe school!
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Kid: Well, I bumped my head yesterday, but I’m ok now.
Me: I hope you didn’t knock out any brain cells!
Kid: What are brain cells?
Me: They store everything in our brain so we can remember what we learn.
Kid: Oh, I don’t think I have any of those! (8y.o.)
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Kid: Jenn, is sex a bad word?
Me: Uh. No, no it’s not.
Kid: ok, well, what is sex?
Me: I think it’s something I would like you to ask your Mom and Dad about.
Kid: WHY does EVERYONE keep saying that? I mean, are they the experts on this sex shenanigan? (8 y.o.)
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Me (playing with play-doh dolphin): Hi, my name is Flipper! I like to do flips!
Kid: Jenn, I think you need to work on being more creative with your names. Your dolphin is now named HE-DOLPHIN, MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE! (8 y.o.)
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Kid: “What’s this ball thing?” Me: “It’s a stress ball. You can squeeze it when you get upset or angry.” Kid: “Oh, you mean instead of squeezing somebody’s neck?” (5 y.o.)
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“I won’t be here next week, I have a date! With Winnie the Pooh….or maybe Yogi Bear!” -5y.o.
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“Shhh. Mommy, you can’t tell her that I wouldn’t go to bed last night!!! She’s on a need-to-know basis!!!” (5 y.o.)
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Kid: “we need to do the cheers thing! You know, when people are so happy their Mommies gave them a drink that they cheers their glasses together?!?!” (8 y.o.)
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Kid- “My birthday is almost on Valentine’s Day!”
Me- “Wow! You must have been the best Valentine’s Day present ever!”
Kid- “Yeah, but my Mom hurt like hell for two days to have me!” (7 y.o.)
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Why can’t grown-ups just understand that big brothers and little brothers fight like dogs and birds? It’s just how it is. Woof woof! (7 y.o.)
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Kid’s Mom: you can’t have a sleepover because it’s a school night.
Kid: Moooom it’s not a school night, I don’t have school until tomorrow!
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(while drawing where we feel feelings in our bodies): “Well, I feel a lot of things in my small intensine, and sometimes my large one. You know, that’s pretty much where I feel happy.” (7 y.o.)
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“Miss Jenn, can I tell you something? Every morning my shoes play tricks on me. They TRY and get me to put them on the wrong feet! Can you BELIEVE THAT?” (4 y.o.)
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“I’m not cutting my hair because right now I can make it stick straight up. No, seriously, my hair is a work of art!” (13 y.o.)
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That’s all for now, folks! Have a great weekend, everyone!
Be sure to stop by tomorrow and read about my husband, the Hoarder! It’s not just on TV, folks…it’s in my basement.
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