10 Things Your Therapist Wants You To Know

I am a therapist. Okay, technically I am a Licensed Clinicial Social Worker (LCSW) – say that 10 times fast. But the word everyone knows? Therapist. What do I bill as? Therapist. So I guess, that makes me a therapist. Unfortunately, therapists tend to get a bad rap. But we aren’t all created equal. Right now, I work with children and specialize in trauma therapy to address abuse. I also work with adults (who are typically just children who didn’t get therapy soon enough).

I have also seen a therapist. I mean, who hasn’t? Okay, so maybe there are some well adjusted people out there, but although I consider myself well adjusted for the most part, life can be an overwhelming S.O.B. sometimes, ya know?

So anyway, today I am imparting 10 things your therapist might want you to know…

10. Don’t be paranoid. We only write things down on our notepad because we have terrible memories. We are not doodling a picture of you that says “crazy Mofo” as the caption  (usually). We see lots of people every day, and we don’t want to look like fools (I pity da fool!) when you come back next week and we can’t remember things we obviously should remember (like how many cats you have, or the exact shape of your tinfoil hat that will keep the aliens away. I kid. Sort of).

9. We will challenge you. If you want us to sit silently and not reflect back to you, or offer suggestions – say so. Otherwise, it is our job to challenge you – to challenge your thinking – and to support you in changing areas you would like to change. If you want to stay the same? Save your time and mine – stay home!

8. Adulthood is a constant struggle to overcome your childhood. Usually. So when we ask you about your childhood, don’t be a wise-ass. Just answer the question because yes, it does matter (or we wouldn’t bother asking). Frankly, you learn how to cope with life when you are a child, so sometimes it’s a matter of learning about how you learned to cope with life and if it was healthy or not. Don’t take offense.

7. We know things. Really. We went to a lot of school, and most of us have a life long relationship with Sallie Mae to show for it. If we make a suggestion, try it. IT MAY HELP! It may not. But if you enter a working relationship with a therapist assuming that nothing will work then guess what? Nothing will work. You’re the one paying the money. You can make the best of it, or you can have a bad attitude. The choice is yours.

6. SPEAKING of money, we are expensive. I get it. Again, we all owe 6 years of debt to Sallie Mae. Sorry ’bout that. But did you know most private therapists have sliding scale fees? Yeah. It’s in our bitchin’ code of ethics to work with people around payment. So before you decide you aren’t going to get a therapist because you can’t afford it? Reach out and ask.

5. We WILL in some fashion, manner, or medium ask you how you are feeling. Because you know what? IT MATTERS. I know it’s cliche, and I hate myself a little everytime I ask it – but let’s face it, feelings are what we all tend to avoid and that’s probably why you’re in therapy. Acknowledge them. And stop rolling your eyes.

4. You are not a broken car. We can not replace your muffler and send you off running smoothly, free of hysterical, over-the-top, inappropriate emotional reactions. People are not things that can be fixed. We can give you opportunity to say what you need to say (thanks, John Mayer for ruining that phrase) and we can offer up advice about things to try to reduce symptoms. We cannot live your life for you. You must figure out what works for you. Also, we cannot come to Thanksgiving Dinner, your birthday party, or your work Christmas party to explain to people “why you act this way.” Stop asking.

3. Not all therapists have couches. Sorry. And if they do? They do not want you to lay down on it the moment you walk in the door. As my teenage clients would say………awkward.

2. If we’re not clicking personality-wise, don’t be afraid to speak up. There may be a change we can make, or we can refer you to someone that may be a better match. Believe me when I tell you, that we do not take it personally.

1. Please show up. Listen, we don’t get paid when you don’t show up. So if you can’t make it – or you’re pissed at us for what we told you last week – don’t be passive aggressive, just call and re-schedule. It’s way cooler than standing someone up. If you do this a lot, someday you may show up and I won’t be there. Okay, probably not. Because I want money love my job, and wouldn’t want to miss an appointment. But still? Have some respect. Show up or call to let us know. I have things I could be doing if you aren’t going to be there, like drinking paperwork.

Happy Friday, everyone!