I wrote this post awhile ago, and Blogger ATE IT. Ahem. So, because I think it’s a good topic, I’m going to blog about it again.
As likely all of you know by know, Casey and I have both lost a significant amount of weight. But like the trauma that I address with the kids I work with, my overweight life has not let me move on.
I am a triathlete.
I look like this today
(the day I wrote this actual post – the first time, about a month ago)
(weight loss maintained for 3 YEARS)
But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see this – any of it.
I see this –
or,
I can’t look at pictures without critiquing EVERYTHING. My hair, the leftover skin left behind by the weight loss. Oh, it’s bad. I annoy everyone, (even myself) with constant questioning of “Do I look fat?” and so on.
It makes me sad and angry with myself, and I vow over and over again to myself that I will make a more conscious effort to stop – but these negative thoughts pour through my mind on a daily basis.
I’m not the only one – I think women in particular have such struggles with self image, and I am certainly among them. As a gender we have a hard time taking compliments, and a very easy time picking out faults – whether it be wrinkles, collar bones sticking out, gray hear, loose skin, stretch marks, etc.
I can take compliments on my work, my choices, my personality even – but when my husband tells me I am beautiful, I can’t accept that.
In my work, I do a lot with kids around changing negative thought patterns – it’s super hard. We all fall into the traps of negativity, around whatever we feel vulnerable about. My appearance? Makes me feel vulnerable.
I will continue to try and accept the new me, the real me. Someday I do hope to have money to do the surgery to remove the excess skin, especially around my arms – because it keeps me from feeling like I’ve lost any weight at all.
But I need to be gentle with myself, no matter what I look like, because it doesn’t define who I am. What defines who I am, is that I accomplished a huge goal – I reduced so many risk factors for developing health problems, I completed a triathlon with my husband, I am healthy. And that’s what really matters.
So, I encourage you as well – be gentle with yourselves. Maybe we can all learn how to do that, together 🙂
