Really cool things.

Posted on December 9, 2012 by jenn

Really cool things are happening.

We close on our dream house on Wednesday. The movers are coming on Saturday. And my house is now boxes. Again. Still. Whatever.

I’ve gotten multiple info on my friends in Maine who are planning their LEGAL WEDDINGS! I mean seriously, I could cry. I have cried. Don’t judge. Thanks again Maine, for making equal marriage rights happen. For real. Now Supreme Court? Let’s jump on the bandwagon, mmmmkay?

Work is crazy (but I love my job), moving is crazy (but it’s a dream house, really), and blogging has gotten lost in the crazy and let’s face it, that probably isn’t going to change until January. So I know you’ll forgive me. You know, the five of you that are still reading (HI!!! by the way).

So go visit some other cool things happening, in my absence.

Molly has started up a Kickstarter campaign to produce a second edition of her Unemployment Cookbook ( I own the first, and it is awesome – especially if you’re cooking on a budget). Support a fellow blogger, small business. For real. It’s awesome.

Speaking of supporting an awesome fellow blogger, Kenya has produced her second book! It’s a copy of The Christopher Chronicles (the 2nd edition with MORE gems). I have met this kid, and he is the real deal funny, don’t even get me started on how he feels about 80’s music. And I promise you won’t regret buying this and supporting Kenya and Christopher.

If you need any jewelry for Christmas or holiday gifts, GO HANDMADE AND SMALL BUSINESS. Like here (I ordered a remembrance necklace from her, to remember our baby) or here, which I just ordered – a necklace! with lace from my wedding gown (the woman who kindly altered my gown for free gave me the scraps)! AHMAZING. And speaking of which, I wish there was a reason to wear my wedding gown more often.

Anyway, that’s all for now folks. I probably will be blogging next from our new home. With the fireplace going, Christmas lights twinkling, and Norman Rockwell throwing up all over the place.

Merry everything!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

You are so much stronger than you think you are.

Posted on December 3, 2012 by jenn

It happens.

You know the feeling.

When life gets overwhelming.

One day, you’ll be kicking life’s butt and taking names. Conquering the world with your can-do attitude while unicorns sing your praises and you sneeze glitter.

But then. Things happen.

Maybe here’s a crisis. Be it medical, life changing, or simply the times when the small everyday crises mold together in a mob mentality and form one big breakdown that is usually triggered by the stupidest thing ever.

And then you let go. And you cry The Ugly Cry. You feel the feeling of dread. You start hitting the snooze on the alarm until you make yourself run late, which always ruins the whole day. You can’t begin to know where to start on your to-do list so you start doing things that aren’t even on your to-do list (and then adding those things to the list just so you can cross them off).

If you’re like me, you’ll start snapping at people around you. Feeling emotional for “no reason.” Tersely replying, “I’m fine” when people inquire about why you’re acting this way.

So I’m here to remind you, and really I’m here to remind myself, you are so much stronger than you think you are.

And everything gets done. Really, it does. You’ve been here before. In the midst of this feeling. In the quicksand of not-enough-time, amid the jungle of too-much-to-do. And you’ve gotten through it before. And you will again.

Look in the mirror today, get out your pom-poms, and remind yourself – you! are! so! much! stronger! than! you! think! you! are!

And if all else fails, this always makes my day brighter….

 

 

Happy Monday, folks. Let’s go kick it right in the face!

Posted in randomness | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

We’re Here

Posted on December 2, 2012 by jenn

I promise, we’re here.

Taking pictures….

Taking naps…

Taking in sunrises….

Taking long walks….

Taking Nikon’s manual controls for another spin…

So have no fear, we’re here. My words have been stuck in my head this week, swirling. But soon they’ll be flowing again.

And until then…..

Warning: pure joy may be closer than it appears.

 

 

Posted in randomness | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Today and Everyday

Posted on November 22, 2012 by jenn

Source: Uploaded by user via Tom on Pinterest

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Posted on November 16, 2012 by jenn

I’ve worked with a lot of children in the past five years. I’ve worked with children who have been hurt, emotionally and physically by their biological parents.

I’ve written statements that in the end will support a court or child welfare agency’s decision to terminate parental rights.

Last night, as I sat in a family team meeting, a mother was asked to place her children with their father, because she was not following through with recommendations and the children were not safe with her.

And through screams and tears, she ultimately decided to allow this, without going back to court, which would have forced the decision anyway.

And, just like always, I had a knot in my stomach.

Watching the pain a mother goes through when she realizes she cannot care for her child. Sometimes I think there is a general belief that mother’s that place their child for foster care, adoption, or who have their children removed from their home are bad mothers that don’t love their children.

But aside from true sociopaths (which really isn’t common), I don’t believe I’ve ever met a mother who didn’t love their child. It’s just they don’t know how to be a mother. They weren’t taught. They might have been abused in their own life. They may have drug addictions. They are often in abusive relationships. They don’t have resources. Like many mothers, they get overwhelmed, but many of these mothers don’t know how to ask for help – until it’s too late and the decision is no longer theirs to make.

And so, they make the ultimate sacrifice. Sometimes it’s not their choice, sometimes it is. But it’s always a sacrifice.

I’m not saying the abusive behavior is okay because clearly it’s not, and I have been very angry with parents and made my own judgments about them –  but I’m saying we have to be wary of generalizations, and realize that these women are human beings.

And as I sat in that office, with tears in my eyes, watching a mother choose ultimately what is best for her children over what she wanted, I was proud of her. I was moved by her decision.

And I realized that Casey and I will receive a child into our home someday, whose mother and father have made that decision.

A mother and father who have decided to put their child’s needs over their own.

The ultimate sacrifice.

To that mother and father, wherever they are, whenever we meet, please know we will come without judgment in our hearts, and only gratitude for the bravest decision you’ll ever make.

Posted in adoption | 8 Comments

When life pees directly on your head….

Posted on November 13, 2012 by jenn

So yesterday was a Monday.

Obviously.

It started at 5am.

My 5 minute hot shower turned cold 1 minute in.

Soon after, I started to brush my teeth with face wash.

Work was crazy.

I got into my car at 5:30.

And as usual these days, it’s pitch black and feels like bedtime.

I drove to pick up Skeeter at his dog daycare place, where she tells me he’s been waiting by the gate since 3pm wanting to go home. Lay on the dog-mama guilt.

I walk Skeeter to the car and give him a kiss on top of his head, only to realize that….

a dog totally peed on his head.

DIRECTLY on his head that I was kissing.

For the second time in a week.

I wave my white flag – Monday, you totally win.

And then we partake in buffalo wings. Because when life pees directly on your dog’s head and then you kiss it, apparently buffalo wings are the answer. Just in case you were wondering.

****

 

Source: someecards.com via Jenn on Pinterest

Posted in randomness | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Monday Factoids

Posted on November 12, 2012 by jenn

1. We’re moving. Again. In about a month. And I haven’t packed anything or thought about packing anything.Other than typing this sentence, of course.

2. I find pictures of people’s children on the toilet disturbing. I mean, really? This is the internet people. I don’t really care how cute Susie is while she’s potty training, it doesn’t need to be on instagram.

3. We wore shorts all weekend. In November. I know that Kenya is sad about this, but we couldn’t be happier! Especially when we call back home and they have snow and 40 degree weather! 😉

4. I have angered my sciatic nerve I believe. Diagnosis courtesy of Dr. Google. My insurance isn’t effective until December. Anyone have any exercises that might help? It hurts to go from sitting to standing position, with pains down my right leg. Suggestions welcome!

5. I ordered an Instagram photo book from Keepsy.com and I LOVE IT. It came out so beautiful, and I highly recommend them. Easy to use, and quick production.

6. Music I’m loving right now – Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Brandi Carlile, Matt Nathanson and the new Train album. Also, they are playing a song by Nickel Creek called “When You Come Back Down” at the funeral for that little girl, and it’s a beautiful song (though I’m not a typical Nickel Creek fan).

7. I love my new job. I never thought I’d like being a supervisor, but it turns out I was a little burned out working with clients directly because I’m really enjoying being one step removed. I know that won’t be for long, and I’ll look into having a small private practice on the side, but for now – I’m really happy.

8. It’s time for my morning walk! Have a good day everyone!

 

Posted in randomness | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Saying Goodbye

Posted on November 11, 2012 by jenn

The little girl that I wrote about has passed away and I am feeling sad, angry and emotional about it. I don’t know that you can ever reconcile when a child is taken from the world. A child. A girl who never got to have a boyfriend, or get caught sneaking out of the house, a girl who’ll never go to college, will never write the cookbooks she wanted to write, and will never dance at her wedding.

In the same breath, I know that I am glad she is no longer in pain and I feel blessed to have known her. I remember sitting in a meeting with my supervisor who asked me, “how are you doing, working with such a sick child?” and I asked her in return, “have you ever felt like like you were just meant to be somewhere?” because that is how I felt working with her. Our lives collided because they were meant to. She was meant to teach me about true courage and I was meant to support her in telling her story. This I know in my heart, and will carry it forward with me – every time I feel sorry for myself I will remember how hard she fought to be alive. Every time I wear the bracelet she made me, I will smile. Every time I hear that damn silver bell she gave me that jingles all the time in my car and drives me crazy – I will laugh out loud, and know she is flying high, watching over us all.

I was able to contact my supervisors from my past job, and they supported me in my desire to send flowers to the family to acknowledge their loss and let them know I’m thinking of them. This type of event falls into a very grey area, as I’m not supposed to contact them after leaving my job so I’m glad I reached out to them for their support and to know which way to go. I was heartbroken at the idea of not being able to say anything to them, and now I can, however indirectly. I know that working with her was my “job,” but this is human work I do, and sometimes the rules have to bend.

Thank you for all of your love and support out there in the interwebs. I appreciate it more than you can know.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

The Working World

Posted on November 10, 2012 by jenn

Well, here I am again, and this Saturday I thought I’d talk about my recently completed first week at my new job!

I’m loving it at Sunland, and while part of me does miss my old job at Harriman, there really are some really nice perks to my new job.  My cubicle is closer to being an actual office; it’s way bigger with way higher walls and even has shelving built in!  I like that I’m just focusing on sprinklers, as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, and I’m really enjoying learning their design software, which is the most powerful sprinkler system design tool that I’ve ever seen.

The nine hour days go by fast, and I loved that my weekend started at 11:30 Friday morning!

The people there are really nice.  There’s only 16 of us in the office, so I expect that I’ll get to know them all fairly quickly.  There’s a husband and wife couple there, and they gave us the map of Wilmington that they used when they moved here a few years ago from Virginia.  I thought that was very thoughtful!

My direct supervisor also seems like a great guy.  Being from Michigan, we’re the only two people in the whole office that know how to talk properly (ok, I’m just kidding, I like southern accents)!

The only downside so far has been lack of things to do.  It took until mid-morning Tuesday to get a computer up and running (I spent Monday reading a CAD tutorial and a code book), and a project I was about to start on Wednesday (and actually had a meeting on site for) has become delayed to the point where it’ll be at least Monday before I can really start it.  It has been good having this time to really get to know the software, refresh myself on code, and prepare for the project ahead, but I do admit the last hour or so of each day has dragged slightly due to lack of stuff to do.

I’m sure that it will only be like that this week, so I’ve done my best to enjoy the deadline free week!  All in all, this was a great opportunity and a great decision to accept their offer!  I’m very excited for what’s to come.  I lasted 345 weeks at Harriman; let’s see if I can beat that at Sunland!

Posted in growing up | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Fly

Posted on November 9, 2012 by jenn

Rest in peace, kiddo.

“The moon will rise, the sun will set, but I won’t forget.”

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments