Where I’m From

I am from a noisy, kickball playing, in-and-out of neighbors houses neighborhood; from fluff, peanut butter, and rhubarb slop.
I am from a lived-in home that smells like summer and clothes drying on the clothesline outside; from sitting around the kitchen table talking for hours.
I am from tulips and roses in the “back forty” checked on and watered every night.
I am from one present opened on Christmas eve and sarcastic jokes; from Gromp and Grammie and Uncle Mike.
I am from stubborness, hot tempers, and big hugs.
I am from work hard to earn what you want and never hang up the phone before saying “I love you.”
I am from openness, acceptance, tolerance, and peace.
I am from Vermont, Algonquin, England, France, cucumber sandwiches and juicy hamburgers.
I am from radioing in to deer camp every night, learning how to drive at the BOR, walking the dogs every night, and testifying at City Council meetings.
I am from memory boxes filled to the brim with report cards, pictures, and love; from waking upside down in my crib and listening to my Mom take a shower; from computers sent home to the mother ship; from checking in on me every night before bed to turn off my TV and give one last goodnight kiss; from making the neighbors attend dog shows in which I can only make my dog sit; from making up stories about people on the beach; from sitting upta camp and watching the grass grow; from watching the crazy flatlander walk her cow; from laughing until tears fall down; from complete unconditional love.

Want to make your own?……

I am from _______ (specific ordinary item), from _______ (product name) and _______.
I am from the _______ (home description… adjective, adjective, sensory detail).
I am from the _______ (plant, flower, natural item), the _______ (plant, flower, natural detail)
I am from _______ (family tradition) and _______ (family trait), from _______ (name of family member) and _______ (another family name) and _______ (family name).
I am from the _______ (description of family tendency) and _______ (another one).
From _______ (something you were told as a child) and _______ (another).
I am from (representation of religion, or lack of it). Further description.
I’m from _______ (place of birth and family ancestry), _______ (two food items representing your family).
From the _______ (specific family story about a specific person and detail), the _______ (another detail, and the _______ (another detail about another family member).
I am from _______ (location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines indicating their worth).

There are a lot of moments I remember in my life.

Falling down the first time I rode my bike, with my Dad, in the park.

My brother Graduating from high school and leaving home.

Standing in the kitchen with my Dad holding me when my Mom got home from Dartmouth, and I knew my Grandfather had passed away.

Singing “Love Child” in the car at the top of my lungs with my Mom with the sunroof open.

The phone call in the middle of the night that I knew signified my Grandmother had passed away.

My Mom walking through the door, tears streaming down her face to tell me she had cancer.

Looking in my rear view mirror on I-95 as I drove into Maine for my first weekend of college with my car packed full of stuff, and my Mom behind me in her car.

Getting the keys to my first apartment.

Speaking in the world social forum in Venezuela.

The day that Stacey donated her kidney to my Mom.

Graduating college, (both times).

The day I realized I was in love with Casey.

The day Casey proposed to me, and six months later the moment I became his wife.

The day I realized I was pregnant.

The day I realized I was no longer pregnant.

Experiencing this miscarriage rates high up on the top of crappiest things on Earth for me (and look at my list, I had a lot of experience with crappy – thank goodness I have had even more happy). It’s isolating. First, because very very few people know (knew) we were trying, very very few people knew this happened. Secondly, no one knows what to say or do. It’s not an illness. It’s not a get-well card kind of event. It’s not a “better luck next time” when someone doesn’t get a job. It’s not a “cheer up charlie!” moment when someone’s having a bad day. It’s isolating to the point that I was scared to tell even Casey what was going on, because that loss also feels like failure, especially when we’ve been trying a long time. It also feels ridiculous. How do you miss something that barely even was? How do you treat this as a “late period” (thanks, Doc!) and not a gut-wrenching-loss? How do you pretend everything is ok. . . when it’s NOT. . ?

Everyone handles it differently. About 3 or 4 days after I realized what had happened, I sat in the kitchen talking with a mother that I was starting to work with. She said to me (snidely), “how can you tell me anything about kids if you don’t have any of your own?” I felt like all the air had left my body, and I had to finish the session and cry all the way home. How do people treat others in such a way, having no idea what could be going on for them? Those words were my breaking point. An entire bag of Doritos was eaten. Tears were shed. My husband held me. Everyone’s breaking point is different. There comes a time where we have to cry, to mourn what is or what isn’t. I’m human (yes, really).

Infertility and miscarriages are widely hidden from the world. They are both isolating, and isolation is a powerful way for people to begin losing hope, feeling depressed, wondering why people don’t notice that something is wrong. In writing this, I want to acknowledge that both of these have happened to us. There are support forums, I’ve joined them. There are places to share your story, I’ve done that. But here? You know us. . . in. . .real. . . life. And that’s scary. But, I am trying not to allow this power over me, because I haven’t done anything wrong. These things happen to people. Just like cancer. And graduations. And falling off of bikes. And marriage. And it is no less worthy of my attention than all of these other moments.

Thank you for reading and hearing this. And remember, please treat others with kindness . . . you never know what they are going through.

There are two “apps” that Casey and I use on a daily basis to track both our calorie intake, and our exercise. For those with smart phones, I HIGHLY recommend downloading these (or something like it). They are super easy to use, and give you a great guide when you’re tracking calories. And I stress the importance of tracking calories, because YOU CANNOT COUNT CALORIES IN YOUR HEAD. Believe me. You will underestimate calories easily, and “fuzzy math” will deceive you, leading you to believe you’ve eaten less than you really have. I stick to a 1,200 calorie diet (unless I’m exercising heavily). Casey has a 2,800 calorie diet.

The calorie tracking “app” we have is called “My Fitness Pal” – it is also a website, and if you don’t have a smartphone and want to track calories online, you can use it there. It is free, and not only has lots of foods (both restaurant and grocery store foods) but a cool feature where you can actually scan barcodes of the food you’re eating and it will (usually) have that food in there. This application also sets goals for you for your input of fat, fiber, carbs, vitamins, etc. This is an EXCELLENT way to look at whether or not the food you eat is meeting your needs nutrionally.

There is an exercise tracking component to this tool, but we use the “Cardio Trainer” application for tracking exercise because it can actually track you WHILE you’re exercising (put it in your pocket while you walk/run and it will track your speed, distance, steps, and calories burned!). It can also support you in interval training – prompting you and setting up exercise guidelines. You can set up alarms to remind you to exercise, and it will set up an exercise schedule based on the goals you set for yourself. Both applications can track your weight, and give you recommendations based on your own personal goals.

I know there are several applications out there that do this type of thing – and I’m sure they are great. Use whatever you can, because being accountable to something will help you stick to your plan!

On Wednesday- Casey and I played hookey together! We went to Ocean Park beach near Old Orchard and ran on the beach, played in the water, and watched Skeeter dig crazy holes in the sand. Then we traveled up to Old Orchard for our first pizza and pier fries of the year, topped off which a chocolate creemee! It was a wonderful day, and here are some pictures!!!!

Ocean Park, Maine

My handsome husband!

My new favorite picture of us!

Skeeter put his “crazy face” on!

And proceeded to dig a nice big hole.

Nice, isn’t it?

It was a beautiful day

We headed to Old Orchard for pizza, pier fries, and creemees!!!

Skeeter enjoyed a vanilla ice cream himself!

Old orchard Beach is quiet this time of year…..

Not to be left out, we picked up a creemee for Barney on our way home!

Perhaps summer is finally here?

Last week…actually two weeks ago, we talked about healthy food items that are staples in our lives now.  But what about our old eating habits?  I had a lot of really bad ones, and besides choosing unhealthy things to eat, I also had some issues with portion control.  To illustrate, I once ate an entire “Tall Cake”, which is a dessert at Ruby Tuesday.  It’s basically a generous piece of a three layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting topped with a multi-scoop hot fudge sundae.  It’s intended for, like, 6 people, but I ate it by myself, even after downing an 8 oz burger, a plate full of fries, and a soda.

I have many stories of binge-eating, but the most “extreme” night I can remember, the one night that really makes me stop an wonder why I never needed any sort of bypass surgery, was back at the beginning of September, 2004.  Fair season was approaching, and the previous year I had discovered a stand serving deep-fried oreos.  They’re pretty much what they sound like: about 6 or so oreo cookies dipped in batter then put in a basket fryer for like 3 minutes, and tossed into a styrofoam bowl.  The man at the stand had asked if I wanted them topped with whipped cream, which I of course gave him the go-ahead on.  The cream filling vanishes; the hot oil totally vaporizes it.  The cookies themselves turn into a blackish-brown goo inside the ball of grease-soaked dough.  They’re actually pretty good.

My sister, Katie, and then-boyfriend Jim, lived in an apartment in Biddeford, and I spent many weekends there.  My visits typically centered around playing Playstation 2, watching DVDs, and eating something new.  With fair season approaching, I got to reminiscing about the deep-fried oreos, and Katie wondered if maybe she could find a recipe, you know, to warm up our gall bladders for the fair.  Over the following week, she managed to find one, and get tips on the existence of several other deep-fried delicacies.  We were so excited, that on the next Friday night we decided I should spend the night there and we should make and try them ALL.

So, our Friday night cuisine started with the deep-fried oreos.  In hindsight, I can’t imagine there’s much of a recipe to it…maybe for the batter, I guess.  We followed that with deep-fried twinkies, which are prepared the same way as the oreos (we certainly didn’t waste any batter that night), with the added touch of being skewered on the end of a wooden stick.  As with the oreos, the cream filling vanishes, and oddly enough the yellow-sponge cake grows and expands to fill in the holes; you’d never know that it had ever been stuffed with whipped sugar.

Not to end our special celebration of peanut oil early, Jim graciously brought home a big wad of pizza dough from the italian restaurant he worked at at the time, which we promply fried.  For the record, pizza dough makes excellent fried dough.

But wait, there was more!  For “dessert” (yes, this abomination of fried sugar was our dinner that night) we brought out three Snickers bars and gave them the twinkie treatment!  Those Snickers got awful soft after being drenched into 400 degree oil for 3-5 minutes, but luckily the batter held them together!  As I recall, Katie was getting full and I ate a good portion of her’s, as well as mine.

And I believe that’s it.  We fell into an uneasy sleep, and the next day woke up and went to Funtown and tried not to hurl on the rides!  What an exciting life I once led!

~*~*~*~*
Unfortunately (for you), the tales of my extreme eating are somewhat less thrilling than that of my husband.

When I gained the majority of my weight and passed the line from overweight to obese, I was living with my best friend Stacey and deep into college life. And by college life, I mean. . . busy and broke. After the first year of college where I lived on campus, we got an apartment and job(s) to make some money to keep our apartment. Unfortunately, when you’re 19, any job you get isn’t going to make you much money. So after rent and bills? There wasn’t much left for groceries. If you’ve got $10 to spend for a week of groceries, you’ll end up on my extreme eating diet. . . macaroni and cheese! Now, I didn’t just have a serving (which is over 400 calories in and of itself), oh no folks, I would eat the whole box in one sitting. Sometimes this would mean eating two boxes of macaroni and cheese in one day. 2,400 (ish) hundred calories, not counting breakfast or drinks. To put that in perspective, I currently stick pretty closely to a 1,200 calorie per day diet, (with the exception of when we were triathlon training and I upped my calories to 1,800 due to the extreme exercise).

When Stacey and I reached a “comfortable” level of living, having gotten better paying jobs- (freshly out of the share a package of ramen noodles phase) we took to ordering out meals. This was a period of definite gluttony. No other word for it. I would order a full pound of buffalo wings, onion rings, fries, and sometimes a buffalo chicken wrap. For dinner. I can’t begin to imagine the calories of that particular meal, but it wouldn’t surprise to me if it was upwards of 5,000. Insanity when I look back on it now. Not to mention the sodium.

In the last few years, I found I have stage 2 chronic kidney disease (taking after my Mom in a not-so-great-way!). I can’t imagine the sodium I added to my diet was any help to the development of this. I wish I could take so much of that time period back. But we are what we are, and I’ve certainly learned from my mistakes.

So, I urge anyone trying to lose weight that is reading this. . . just consider your meals, consider what you put into your mouth. Is it really worth it? Full fat, high calories meals . . .they may taste better, but the fact it – your body just doesn’t need it. You never know what the path will hold for you health wise, and I now believe it is best to prepare fully by living as healthy as you can.

Have a great weekend – and watch what you eat 😉

“Honey, can you get me a beer?  I’m trying to watch the game.” “I’m going shopping with the girls, see you tonight!” What I’m trying to say with my weird phrases is that there are couples out there that live in the same house, but don’t really seem to see much of each other.   I’ve been told by people that they’d be bored going on vacation with their spouse because they wouldn’t know what to do with each other.

I feel lucky that this is not the case with me and Jenn.  I think this is one of the reasons why our marriage works so well; we truly enjoy being together and never get sick of each other.  As a result, we spend almost every bit of our free time together.  This Monday, we want to talk about some of our favorite activities we engage in on weeknights and weekends when we just want to enjoy each other’s company.

The list is quite extensive and overwhelming, so I’ll just pick a couple.  We do most of our exercising together, and I love going to the gym for “gym dates”!  Jenn is great at coming up with spur of the moment strength exercise routines, and we’ll often go over to the free weights and balance balls, and she’ll lead me through a routine of squats, lunges, and various arm curls.  She’s a lot better than I am, so typically I will lag behind while she patiently remembers what my next exercise is so she can instruct me what to do next (she’ll be two or three exercises ahead of me in no time).  Those are two qualities that I love about Jenn; her desire to exercise and keep me motivated, as well as he patience with me!

One of my other favorite actitives is spending Sunday afternoons watching a movie on the couch, snuggled under a blanket.  Sometimes she’ll lay down and put her feet or head on my lap (which I love).  We have quite a range of movies we like, from chick flicks to movies about Jeffrey Dahmer!  Don’t judge!

There are a lot of things that go into making a marriage, I’m learning. But first you have to get through dating. And what attracks you to someone? I thought I knew, but turns out I didn’t have a clue until I met Casey. Well, here is my top ten list of things I love about Casey, my fabulous boyfriend-fiance-husband!

To up my protein levels, I eat hard boiled egg WHITES. Due to the high level of cholesterol in the yolk, I throw them away, and just eat the egg whites. Now, there’s nothing saying you have to throw away the yolks – but if you have any cholestrol issues, I would. I don’t have these issues anymore, but when I was super overweight – my cholesterol wasn’t great. So I do what I can to make sure that I’m keeping it in check.

While I also drink a lot of water, I’m going to talk about two staples in our healthy dinners.  When I lived alone, I used to eat a lot of hamburgers.  Why?  Well, because they’re good, but the reason for eating hamburgers probably 4 to 5 nights a week is simple convenience.  It’s easy to come home after a long day and just throw one on the grill.  I had no desire to cook a big elaborate meal for just me and this was a quick and easy solution.  Now that I am married to Jenn, I still don’t want to take the time to cook a big meal every night (and neither does she), because our time together is too valuable to worry about fixing something complicated after work.  But eating hamburgers every night will pack on the pounds and clog your arteries; how can you eat healthy and fit it into your busy schedule?

The solution is turkey burgers, one of the foods we eat most, specifically the Jenny-O pre-pressed, frozen, ready-to-cook kind.  In fact, we currently eat them about every night for supper.  They have the same convenience as their beef cousins, but without the excess calories and fat.  And they have a lot of lean protein.  I typically get home before Jenn and can throw them on when she leaves her last appoinment and they’ll be ready to serve when she walks in the door.  Can’t beat that! And of course we don’t bother with having rolls; they’re just extra carbs.  A little seasoning is nice, but we are sure to measure a serving size first, so we don’t take in too much sodium!

Hopefully that didn’t sound too much like a Jenny-O commercial, but it’s true.  Something I have trouble eating is vegetables.  As a general rule, I tend to dislike most of them.  But there are a handful of them that I like to eat, and one of them is baby spinach, which also happens to be quick and convenient.  We eat it raw, thrown on the plate with our turkey burgers, add a few sprays of the salad spritzer-style dressing and a few croutons and we’re good to go!