All day long, I roam around writing letters that I’ll never send in my mind. I’ve seen over time, a few bloggers do this kind of format and I thought it would be fun. Here are a few letters on my mind today.

There is a side of me that I have not blogged about. Mostly because I’m not interested in creating a major debate, and I generally avoid talking about religion and politics in mixed company.

But today, on Martin Luther King Jr. day, I know the blogosphere will be littered with inspirational quotes and reflections on the life of a man that I greatly admire.

So I will out myself, today.

I am …. liberal.::gasp:: Okay, so you may have guessed this already. I mean, I am a “bleeding heart” social worker after all.

When I started in social worker, I wanted to avoid the profession I do now. I did not want to be a direct service provider. I wanted to be a community organizer. I wanted to work to make and change social policy. I refused to accept an internship at a social service agency, and I instead created my own internship with the support of my adviser/mentor. I worked with a poor people’s organization – in that it was created and run by people living in poverty. It was called Portland Organizing to Win Economic Rights (POWER) and it was affiliated with the national group Poor People’s Economic Human Rights Campaign (PPERHC). I did A LOT of work with this group and created lasting memories and friendships. I went to Venezuela to the World Social Forum and talked to so many people about the healthcare crisis in the United States. We held rallies, educational forums, and held a forum for people to talk about how poverty has affected them. At the point, the group has dissolved, because of burnout, lack of money, and a variety of other things that cause small organizing groups to dissolve.

Most days, I feel guilty. Because I “gave in” to working in the direct service field, I have little invovlement in community organizing because I wanted to be able to pay my bills – and those jobs barely (if at all) pay a living wage – because they can’t afford to. We live in a society that no longer values community and labor organizing. A society that works very hard to divide us. Some days my job only has a loose connection to the idea of social work, and only because I am working with those in poverty – but it’s very hard to truly empower them within the current political and economical system. There are so many catch-22’s, so many stigmas, so many barriers.

One way I continue to keep one foot in the policy world is by working on books with my former professor/mentor. We have a book due to be published in 2013, following homelessness as a social issue from the 1970’s up through today. Now we are working on a book that is studying if poverty has lasting effects on people even once they get money (by studying celebrities that we born and raised in poverty). I hope that these books will be used in classrooms, as a testament to the lasting effects of poverty and as a critique of why homelessness is no longer a burning topic in the United States. I hope that these books will be read by anyone who is looking to learn, to change, to be a part of ending poverty.

I hope once I move to NC to head back to school for my Ph.D. and be able to pioneer a project that will make a social difference.

I vote.

I talk to people about Universal Health Care, welfare reform, and things that I’ve learned from the “front lines” of working with people in poverty (and living in it for many years).

It never seems like enough. It’s easy to feel swallowed up in a world that seems like it is going to youknowwhere in a youknowwhat. But if we give up, things will never change. And I think the one thing most of us can agree on is that things need to change.

Martin Luther King Jr was only one person. But he made a difference. Because he didn’t give up. He kept going. He had a mission, a vision, yes – a dream. So whatever it is that you can do to participate in the world, do it! No matter what your political view!  I believe wholeheartedly that apathy is even worse than conservative views 😉 I leave you now with a few quotes to litter the blogosphere with.

Winter is in full swing here in the Northeast. After lulling us into a false sense of security with 40 degree weather last weekend, winter has slapped us back into reality with a big snowstorm and below zero weather. We are all kind of walking around in a haze, remembing the fact that we live in Maine and oh yeah, it’s supposed to be freaking cold (that’swhywe’removingtoNC!) But hey, Fadra , if you want to live in Maine we could totally do a house swap. It’s totally awesome 😉

Did I mention that I got an iPod touch? No? Well I did. So now, I am an iPerson who can use things like “FaceTime” and more importantly Instagram (username “LibraJenn” if you are interested). I can also do important things like play Pogo games, Tetris, and oh yeah LISTEN TO MY MUSIC! It’s pretty awesome. My Mom was so impressed she ordered one for herself after my raving review (I’m expecting my cut from Apple to arrive in the mail any day now!) And my husband is jonesing for one. Anyway you can now expect my Stream of Consciousness to include easy to access and upload Instagram photos. I can sense your excitement!

At the ripe old Google Friend Connect Age of 54, my blog will be hosting it’s very own giveaway! I was contacted by Liz at My Memories who asked me if I want to review their digital scrapbooking software, My Memory Suite! HECK YEAH! After all, one of my new years resolution is to get back to taking photos, and this will help me actually DO SOMETHING with the photos! So stay posted everyone, you’ll have a chance to win your own copy of the software and/or a code to get $10 off!

Also, the blog had a big week of people stopping by to check us out! I guess, y’all have a lot of problems with sleep , and are looking for reasons why not to do a triathlon. There are also a lot of you out there who are introverts, just like my best friend. You probably all have perfectly painted walls because you use painters tape. Whatever. In any case, I am glad to be back at this blogging thing and connecting with everyone again. It feels good and I’m excited to watch the blog grow. You may have noticed we have a new webpage, we bought our domain through blogspot – in preparation for moving to WordPress eventually. So we are officially now http://caseyandjenn.com – woohoooo! Plus I figured out how to do a header. Pretty much a good week all around.

How was your week?

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love

Before I begin this week’s post, I want to thank Jenn for creating the kick ass new photo banner that now adorns the top of our blog.  I also want to apologize to our friends/readers/lurkers for last week’s post.  I’ve decided to chalk up my “stream of consciousness” post as a failed experiment, and will leave all of the mental streaming to Jenn from now on (apparently her brain streams with broadband, while mine is still on dial-up).

It was a warm night in mid-July, 2008.  We had been dating just over six months, and were on our second camping trip ever, which happened to be the first camping trip that was more than 5 minutes away from where we lived.  Rockport is beautiful that time of year.  Located on the Maine coast just north of busy, tourist-filled Rockland and just south of quaint, yet bustling Camden, we’re not far away from civilization, but far enough away to feel pretty secluded on the Maine coast.

The sky was very clear and the stars were out.  The moon wasn’t up, so they were all visible.  We decided to walk down the path that went from our campsite at the top of a hill in the woods to a clearing at the top of a small rocky cliff of sorts at the water’s edge.  Jenn walked to the edge, up to a wooden fence post and stared up at the sky.  I stood behind her, watching the sky as well, but also looking down at the back of her head and noticing how cute she looked as she turned her head and tilted it up and down, making sure she saw all the stars.

Our star gazing seemed to last forever.  It was wonderful, just being there surrounded by the nighttime beauty and not saying a word.  Then we decided to sit down on the old wooden bench swing that was stationed there on our little grassy cliff.

1. Despite the great efforts of both of our mothers, we do NOT separate our laundry. Whites, colors…throw them all in together!

2.. And we change our bedding maybe monthly. Unless we drop something on it while we’re having breakfast (in bed).

3. When we got engaged and ordered our wedding rings, we would wear them on the weekends and be “fake married.” One time when we were camping we even told the staff we were married. Hey, who wouldn’t want to wear TWO bands of diamonds whenever possible?

4. Sometimes we don’t shower. For days. My Mom coined this phrase as being “dirty camp people,” because this tradition originated when we rented a cabin for a week and showered minimally. You should try this, DCP style.

5. We ate the top of our wedding cake on our honeymoon! Yup. The whole damn thing. In three days. We let the fat kids EAT. On our first anniversary we ate frozen leftovers of the rest of the cake. Cake is cake.

6. The people at our local Subway knows our order. I choose to believe that they have fabulous memories, because we only eat there all the time once in awhile.

7. Sometimes we lay on the kitchen floor. I don’t really know why. It all started the night Casey proposed and I got down on the floor with him to hug him, and then we laid on the floor while we called our parents. Now we just do it randomly and talk. Our dogs totally judge us.

8. On the way back from our honeymoon we went to have our tarot cards read. She asked if I was pregnant (HA! Little did she know, apparently). But she told us we had a bright and long future together, so that’s good and I choose to believe it.

9. When we went on the cruise to Europe, we ordered a tray of chocolate chip cookies each to be delivered to our room every night. Yeah, it wasn’t really a big surprise that we both gained 10 pounds on that cruise!

10. We are currently re-living my childhood and have spent the last several nights watching Hey Dude and Jem & The Holograms on DVD. There’s no shame here. Right?

Okay, that was a little of our dark side. What are your confessions? It’s okay, you can come over to the dark side. We have cookies!

This song always reminds me of you.

You have taught me so many lessons.

When it’s important to be quiet.

When it’s important to jump up and down screaming until someone (::coughPrattcough::) listens to you. 

To take on projects in a thoughtful way.

To use painters tape, because no, my hand will not be steady enough near the ceiling and yes I will get paint on the outlet covers.

To find creative ways to survive eating only Ramen Noodles.

How to shut up when someone is venting at you and stop throwing solutions at them, when solutions aren’t what they are looking for.

That you can come apart, and come back together again.

How to support someone in a project they are taking on in their life, there’s so much I wouldn’t have accomplished without you.

How to laugh until crying.

How to take space away from the crowd and re-charge your batteries.

That being quiet does not equal being weak.

That complete opposites can be best friends. Family.

You may be small, you may be quiet, but you are “scrappy”… and you have been strong for me when I have been weak. You have had faith, when I have had none. You have thrown a bag of trash at my ex-boyfriend at his place of employment when he cheated on me.

You hold 15 years of my life, my memories, my heart.

I love you, my introvert!

Thanks for all the life lessons.

I chose the prompt lessons (or lessons) you learned about friendship from an introvert.

Dear New Gym Members,

I get it.

Having been a gym member for roughly 5 1/2 years, I have seen the spurts during New Years. After all, I don’t even need to use THE GOOGLE to tell me that weight loss is the number one resolution in the United States.

And lately, I am ashamed to admit I have been a tad bit snarky about you.

I have laughed with the gym staff about the “New Years Rush,” and I have begun counting down the days until 90% of you are gone and I can get on the elliptical again without waiting in line.

I have smirked at your shiny brand-spanking-new blinding white sneakers and new workout gear.

Tonight, I cursed all of you who made me park at a restaurant and walk over to the gym, because it is SO BUSY there was not one parking space.

But tonight, I also saw one of you in particular. She reminded me of myself, six years ago.

When I first stepped foot into the gym.

Fear.

The look of of a caged animal. Or a deer caught in headlights.

Unsure of where to go, how to work the machines.

Overwhelmed by the music, weights being dropped, the whirring of the machines. 

Not making eye contact with anyone.

Embarrassed, perhaps.

I saw her get on the treadmill. And then the bike. And then the elliptical. And then the weights.

Because they were all too hard.

That was me.

The first time I got on an elliptical I couldn’t even manage FIVE MINUTES. Tonight? I did 45 minutes. Followed by weights and the treadmill. What a difference.

So New Years folks? Honestly, I hope you stick around. I can get used to waiting for a machine. I can walk as far as I need to when there isn’t any parking. Because, I am proud of every single one of you.  Showing up is more than half the battle.

Tonight, I was reminded where I came from.

When I walked into the gym for the first time, scared. Knowing I needed to change, but not sure how. Feeling judged (but trust me, it was only me judging myself).

Tonight I was reminded that we all have to start somewhere. And it might as well be New Years. I have my own resolutions, so why should I be snarky about someone else’s?

I promise it gets easier.

Just keep coming back.

And soon enough you’ll become a regular. The atmosphere will become comforting. People will get to know you. It will become a place for you to escape and focus on you.

And then together we can scoff at the New Years rush of 2013.

Keep on Keepin’ On,
Jenn

No.

I refuse to open my eyes.

If I don’t open them, I’ll still be asleep. I shut them tighter.

I’m asleep. I’m asleep.

But I’m not.

I hear the soft snoring of my dog.

The deep breathing of my husband.

But I won’t look at the clock. Too much pressure.

I have to pee.

Sigh.

A sleepy eye peers open. Automatically glance at the clock.

Shoot.

2:59am.

Okay, fine. I will go to the bathroom, but that’s IT.

Then I will fall right back to sleep. 

Shuffle to the bathroom in the dark. Refrain from turning on the light. Hope I hit the toilet.

Shuffle back to bed. Climb in. Pull the warm covers over me. Settle back in.

Listen to the rhythmic breathing of my husband.

Briefly consider kicking him so he would be awake too.

3:33am.

IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET OVER A HOUR MORE SLEEP.

But it has to be RIGHT NOW.

Sigh.

Sigh louder, hoping it will wake up husband-that-I-did-not-kick.

Dog sighs, annoyed with my disruption of his sleep. Stands up, turns in circles, settles back into a deep sleep within seconds.

Great. Now I am jealous of a 20 pound lump of fur at the bottom of my bed. 

Glance slyly at the clock. Daring it to tell me it’s time to get up, that all of this has been a dream.

3:47 am.

IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET A HOUR AND TEN MINUTES OF SLEEP!

I need to remember to pack my gym clothes for after work.

The to-do lists starts unfolding in my brain like an unstoppable force.

My sleepy eyelids fight it.

No! It’s not time!

I AM SLEEPING!

Roll over and check my e-mail from my phone. Maybe this will wake up the husband-I-did-not-kick.

It doesn’t.

Wonder about my day. Will my clients show up? How cold out is it?

No! GO BACK TO SLEEP.

Glance wearily at the clock.

4:25 am.

IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET A HALF HOUR OF SLEEP!

Start counting backwards in my head.

Picture a pathway that I am walking down.

The mind games I have played with myself are finally tiring my brain out.

I begin to drift back to sleep.

Just in time to wake up.