Spend Time with Those you Love

Grab your tissues for Casey’s first installment…

I was very young, like about 3 or 4 years old, my family would visit my Grammy and Grandpa Gilman almost every Saturday morning after breakfast.  They only lived a few miles away, so we were very close to them.
Every Saturday on the drive over, I can remember asking my parents if I could stay at Grammy and Grandpas’ house for the day, even after my parents and my sister went home.  My parents would tell me that it was rude to invite myself over for the day (which is true, I just didn’t see it that way when I was four).
Nonetheless, many times I’d end up staying at their house, even after the rest of my family left.  My grandparents loved their grandkids, and I think they had as much fun as I did when I was at their house.  My Grammy Gilman and I would take long walks, both in the neighborhood, and in the huge apple orchard behind their house.
They had a lot of toys at their house, which I believe were mainly left over from their four kids and several other grandchildren that had outgrown them.  My Dad is the youngest of their four boys, which made my sister and I the “babies” of the grandchildren.  Not all of the toys were hand-me-downs, however, as Gram’s favorite place to shop in any store was the toy aisle.
Besides the walks and the toys, we’d play games and listen to her records.  Grandpa Gilman would bring out a toy Ukele and sing goofy songs to both me (and my sister, who also spent a good amount of time with Grammy and Grandpa).  They had two swings hanging from a gigantic tree. I don’t recall what type of tree it was, but it always provided lots of shade in the summer.  It was always fun at their house.
The reason I seem to have more memories of my Grandmother is mainly due to my Grandfather dying of cancer when I was 9.  69 seems old when you’re a kid, but it’s really too early to go.  After his passing, my Grammy Gilman stayed in their house (which he built), and we remained close over the years.
Naturally, time always passes, and Gram got older and couldn’t get around quite as good.  The apple orchard became a housing development.  The big tree died and had to be cut down.  I also got older, which meant I got busier than I was when I was four.  Still, I continued to visit Gram (as did the rest of my family), and even spent the night many times.
I can’t say this is true of all of the grandchildren.  I can’t speak with certainty regarding their lives, but I saw a lot more of them coming by to visit and coming to family gatherings when I was little, than when I was a teenager or an adult.  My Mom told me once that my sister and I were the only grandkids that had anything to do with her.
When I was around 20, Gram had a sudden heart attack.  It was very close, but she pulled through.  A year or two later, she had some major internal bleeding and again had to be rushed to the hospital.  But again, she made it.  When I was 26, she had a stroke.  But Gram was TOUGH, and made a very good recovery for her age (by now she was in her mid-80’s).
Through all of these near death experiences, my parents did their best to shelter us from the situation.  But their faces, and their tone told the real story.  The truly thought she was a goner all three times (and have admitted that since).
Each time, I hated the thought of Gram leaving us.  She was the relative I was closest to outside of my immediate family, and always had been.
After her recovery, she really couldn’t get around.  Some people would have sent her to a nursing home, but certain family members pulled together, and created a support system for her to keep her as healthy and safe as possible while still living at her home of over 50 years.
During this time, I made sure to visit her whenever I could.  We always loved playing cards together, and we had many afternoons of playing Rummy.  Another thing we had in common was our love of sweets, so I bought her a set of sundae dishes and would make us ice cream sundaes (which prompted her to refer to me as the “Soda Jerk”).
Gram made it at her house for a little more than two years.  Finally, her health failed to the point that she needed constant care.  In April of 2007, she moved into a nursing home, where her health continued to decline.  On February 5th, 2009, she passed away.
I remember at her funeral, Jenn and I sat beside my cousin Peter (the oldest son of Gram’s oldest son) and his wife.  We hadn’t spoken in years, so we chatted for a couple of minutes.  At one point he mentioned very briefly  (while looking down at the floor, slightly ashamed) that he probably hadn’t seen her as often as he should have.  I realized that while I was sad, that I didn’t have any such regrets.
My wish for you is to appreciate your loved ones, and to make the most out of the limited time you have with them.