No.
I refuse to open my eyes.
If I don’t open them, I’ll still be asleep. I shut them tighter.
I’m asleep. I’m asleep.
But I’m not.
I hear the soft snoring of my dog.
The deep breathing of my husband.
But I won’t look at the clock. Too much pressure.
I have to pee.
Sigh.
A sleepy eye peers open. Automatically glance at the clock.
Shoot.
2:59am.
Okay, fine. I will go to the bathroom, but that’s IT.
Then I will fall right back to sleep.
Shuffle to the bathroom in the dark. Refrain from turning on the light. Hope I hit the toilet.
Shuffle back to bed. Climb in. Pull the warm covers over me. Settle back in.
Listen to the rhythmic breathing of my husband.
Briefly consider kicking him so he would be awake too.
3:33am.
IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET OVER A HOUR MORE SLEEP.
But it has to be RIGHT NOW.
Sigh.
Sigh louder, hoping it will wake up husband-that-I-did-not-kick.
Dog sighs, annoyed with my disruption of his sleep. Stands up, turns in circles, settles back into a deep sleep within seconds.
Great. Now I am jealous of a 20 pound lump of fur at the bottom of my bed.
Glance slyly at the clock. Daring it to tell me it’s time to get up, that all of this has been a dream.
3:47 am.
IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET A HOUR AND TEN MINUTES OF SLEEP!
I need to remember to pack my gym clothes for after work.
The to-do lists starts unfolding in my brain like an unstoppable force.
My sleepy eyelids fight it.
No! It’s not time!
I AM SLEEPING!
Roll over and check my e-mail from my phone. Maybe this will wake up the husband-I-did-not-kick.
It doesn’t.
Wonder about my day. Will my clients show up? How cold out is it?
No! GO BACK TO SLEEP.
Glance wearily at the clock.
4:25 am.
IF I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW I WILL GET A HALF HOUR OF SLEEP!
Start counting backwards in my head.
Picture a pathway that I am walking down.
The mind games I have played with myself are finally tiring my brain out.
I begin to drift back to sleep.
Just in time to wake up.
Oh I know this feeling so well (especially wanting to but not kicking the husband). Sleepless nights stress me out so much (and such is the vicious circle).
The only trick I have when that happens, is to just get up and either start reading a book or watch tv…one of the two will calm my brain back down and allow me to eventually fall asleep. If it doesn't well, my day just started a heck of a lot earlier than everyone else's! 😉
DUDE.
Yes.
I squint my eyes so I don't have to see the clock when I wake up in the middle of the night and I get so grumpy if I slip because I then too play the "IF I FALL ASLEEP NOW" mindgame.
oof.
Sounds familiar! I usually try telling myself "I'm asleep. I'm sleeping." over and over. It sometimes works!! Thanks for visiting me on my SITS day! 🙂
This, exactly this.
yes i've done this many times. i hate it. i hope you get a nap today!
Oh this is me a million times over. That debate over getting up to pee and counting the minutes of sleep I can still get, so me.
Nailed it.
Loved it Jenn. LOL! Oh I hate nights like that.
Yep. I do that too.
Big sigh. Also, I get so mad at myself when I have to pee but wish I could just sleep!
Steph
Yup!
And then I play the game of re-setting my alarm later and later, daring myself to do the 20-minute dash. *sigh*
I did it this morning actually.
I HATE just falling asleep moments before I have to get up! Ugh!