DAY TEN
What are you afraid of?
I had this reoccurring dream when I was younger, really young. I remember that I would be surrounded by all the people I love at a party of celebration of some sort (at the time, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my uncles) and then one by one they would disappear and I would suddenly be in the dark, by myself. I would be feeling around touching walls, but no one was there. I would often end up waking up teary, and climbing into bed with my Mom (man, I miss the days when that was socially acceptable on a rough day…)
To some extent, I feel like that dream symbolizes what I am afraid of – losing people I love. Some days, when I think about the losses of my grandparents (on my mother’s side), my two uncle’s, the cold war going on with my brother, the number of times I’ve come thisclose to losing my mother… I feel like that dream has some footing in reality. Although I don’t live in a death-grip fear that I will lose everyone I love, I do believe that is my worst fear. I’m sure that is a fear for lots of people, maybe everyone – I just wish I hadn’t had so much experience with losing loved ones to make it part of my reality.
